Memoirs of a Geezer!
Reflections and Observations -- A Bright Passage from the Fantasies of Youth
to Illuminations of Advanced Maturity!
This Episode: Honesty Can be Harmful to One's Psyche, Possibly *!
Children, as most of us who have progressed beyond a certain age know, can be brutally honest. True, the utter candor of the very young can be amusing, even refreshing at times. Grandchildren, for example, have a way of expressing whatever's in their sweet little heads that can seem a bit offensive, particularly to geezers who may not always value or appreciate total
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| Papa receives a mighty blow from Grandson Seany during a slow-motion, mock fist fight! (Full video available upon request!) |
Recently, my grandson, Seany, labeled me the "Great, Grey-Haired Sloth." The reference was not intended to comment on or make an allegation of slovenliness (a sometimes side-car attached to the definition of "slothfulness"), but rather to the relative speed with which I tend to accomplish tasks or offer an explanation or commentary, when asked! I am often accused by various family members of being rather slow, of having a deficiency in the alacrity department. I repudiate such unwarranted accusations. I am merely deliberate! Seany also does an imitation of what he perceives as my "old man walk," in which I'm bent nearly in half and shuffle at the speed of a mile every two or three days or so.
Our youngest grandchild, a granddaughter, Phi Phi -- she's six years old -- sometimes calls me "a very old man." (The modifier "very" is really quite unnecessary!) I suppose that at my current age, the suggestion is not merely a "suggestion" but an accurate statement. It depends on one's definition of "old" in the context of the current average life expectancy of the human species.
I looked it up. One of the sites lists average age expectancy by state. In ours it's 77.8. By that standard, I'm really quite a youngster, and still have good years ahead if indeed I make it to 77.8. I wonder, though, if the average male is expected to drop off the "mortal coil" at precisely that age??!! This is disturbing! We'd better make plans!! ** ...But I digress...
In the splendid "Age of Geezerhood," I note that grandchildren have a special manner of reminding one that one is considered a creature of another era, such as the Pleistocene Age, or maybe Paleolithic. Grandson, Coen, in his sweet way once told me that I look or could be maybe 20 years or so younger than I actually am. Granddaughter, Lucy, feels she can still jump into my arms without causing me back spasms or broken skeletal parts. Maybe they're just being polite. All the grandkids might be more inclined to ask, "Hey Papa, did you ever ride a bucking triceratops?... Rope a troodon?...
Society, given today's apparent attitudes and preoccupation with the young, reflect the ideas about age that little children seem to prefer: "Old goat," "ancient baboon," "fossil breath," "mollusk mug," "prune face" and other offensive terms the elderly tend not to embrace willingly. Persons of high school and post-high-school age seem also to harbor a peculiar notion of older adults. According to many of our younger citizens, an "elder" is practically deceased or nearly there when no longer in the "20-something" category. But, one must also bear in mind that, prior to age 30 or 35 or so, the two hemispheres of the brain have not yet collided to form a cohesive unit!!
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| We've numbered the states in the order in which we'll move there to prolong our life expectancy! Thank you! |
** Returning, for a moment, to the "...plans" allusion in paragraph four of this fascinating treatise on... well whatever the hell it's about... if we move to Vermont we don't have to drop dead until we're 80.5. We could stay there a few years until the big gong of time sends us packing once again, and then we can move to Hawaii where we won't drop dead until we're 81.3. This is exciting! We may have a real plan, here!!
It has been said, or possibly written somewhere, that interaction with grandchildren and house pets can prolong our lives. We have both, sort of, a daughter and friends with doggies we can borrow, and grandkids too. But what about when the grandchildren grow up and maybe move to New York or Philadelphia and begin selling subordinated debentures?!! Some other lucrative obnoxious career path, possibly??!! What then? Will we become former human beings right away, deceased creatures, before they even reach Ohio?
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| The Grandchildren: Seany, Phia, Coen, Lucy (fm. l. to r., of course)! |
Well, I guess it's better to live for the moment, enjoy the time we have, allow the young to berate and belittle us as we wrinkle and stoop. Let them have their little jokes at our expense. We should place pictures of goats and wrinkly elephants on our ice boxes... embrace the "Era of Geezerhood" with joy and pride in our aging hearts! We're the survivors, after all. We are the Solomon's, the towering intellects who have attained the wisdom of the ages, repositories of knowledge through longevity and eye bags!! ...jowls and veiny noses, maybe, too!...
But on the other hand... "Sweetheart! Call the real estate people! Pack stuff! We're moving to Hawaii before it's too late!!..." (What'd I do with that straw suitcase again?...)
Special Note of Gratitude and Attribution: The perpetrator dedicates this posting to his beautiful and incomparable grandchildren -- Coen and Lucy, Seany and Phia. I thank them profusely for keeping us "young" and balanced and focused on the present! I must also thank our beautiful and incomparable daughters who did their share in providing such superior grandchildren. And to Sweetheart, who suggested the topic, my continuing gratitude for that and so much more! Finally, I thank Vermont and Hawaii for making it possible for geezers to live longer! That's all.
* A subtle homage to The Lady in the Van!
Humbly Submitted 03-16-16 -- Joel K.
