Memoirs of a Geezer!
Reflections and Observations -- A Bright Passage from the Fantasies of Youth
to Illuminations of Advanced Maturity!
This Episode: How Come my Grandkids Learn Stuff We Never Learned??!!... And the Correct Interview Technique and How to Apply Same!
The other night, our sweet wonderful daughter and son-in-law invited us for dinner, followed by a new game they recently acquired. The dinner was excellent, and the game was great fun.
Afterward, our grandson showed us the artwork he accomplished during his first year in high school, and talked about the things he learned in his various science classes. Our granddaughter performed her part in an upcoming school play, and read to us from stories she'd written.
I admit I was astonished at their brilliance, and equally astonished by the breadth of their knowledge, and what they're being taught in today's "super schools." Stuff no one would have bothered to impart to us in my generation. I mean, in my feeble effort to discuss the origins of Planet Earth, the kids simply nodded their awareness of such information, and launched into dissertations of planetary and universe origins, along with nuggets of biology, pendulous vs. attached earlobes and other extraordinary gems of information. "Holy shit," I wanted to exclaim, but didn't...
I mean, good gosh Buffalo Bob, I'm a full-fledged Geezer, aint I? I know lots of stuff, don't I? You know, the wisdom of age and the ages!!?? Thinking back to my own high school education, I learned Latin, for example! Terribly useful, after all!! Four years of it! Doesn't that count for something?! Anything?? And then I'm thinking, "Gee whiz, why couldn't I have wow'ed a potential employer with such wisdom...?
A Sample Interview:
"Good morning, Mr. Stouddelman. I'm J. Ringworm Bottlestop, here to interview for the position you advertised. I'm certain I'd be perfect... Do you offer a six or a seven-figure salary, by the by? Well never mind the crassness of fiduciary excrement. Let me demonstrate my vast knowledge, my liberal education: 'Romani occiderunt Gallos' for example. Or, how about, 'Omnia Gallus est dividium in tres partis'! How about them apples, Mr. Stouddlemeyer!!??
"I beg your pardon... I don't..."
"What's that? You don't know what those important and useful phrases mean? You don't 'capeesh' Latin, you silly, ignorant buffoon?! I'm doing my damndest to impress as well as edify a person of your limited scope, Mr. Snozzelman. Do I get the job, that is, the position... the career opportunity? My liberal knowledge alone -- never mind algebra and stuff mathematical -- should qualify me for a big weekly paycheck! Aina!!??"
"Well now, Mr. Corkscrew..."
"Mr. Bottlestop," the interviewee corrects!
"See here, Mr. Corkscrew, It seems you demonstrate no knowledge of corporate communications and marketing. You've told me nothing about your qualifications for the position we seek to fill! Have you anything to suggest about positioning our brand, for example, to our marketplace, to the purchasing public to which we seek to sell our fine product and services? (Hic! Where the hell's that booze bottle I keep in my desk drawer for emergencies??!!...)"
"Now listen here, you apparently empty-headed baboon, 'Barba tenus sapientes'! And, 'Auribus teneo lupum,' you supercilious, fat-headed potential employer! Have you learned nothing of value in your vapid and vacuous life??!! 'Caesar non supra grammaticos!' and a big, vigorous FIE in your silly mush, to boot!"
"Ms. Pfinchley... I say, Ms. Pfinchley, may we summon the next candidate please. Good day, Mr. Corkscrew. We'll be in touch... Next, please!!"
"Up yours, Mr. Snotlocker. You don't deserve a personage of my particular brand of brilliance. I know when I'm being ushered the hell out the door! And a crap-ass day to you too!! 'Corporatum delenda est!' Oh, um, by the by, is a Cadillac company car part of the offer I can expect??..."
In the distant past, I tried in vain to use my vast knowledge of the Latin tongue to ingratiate myself to a potential employer. I tend to wonder what the hell four years of Latin was worth, not to mention other aspects of my liberal education! Why couldn't I have learned what kids today are learning. You know, useful and marketable stuff!! Science, Engineering, Brain Surgery...
(Special Note of Dedication: The perpetrator dedicates this blog posting to his Beloved Son-in-Law, Mr. T.K.M. The "interview" portion is not intended to offend, but rather to amuse. He and I would have enjoyed this type of interview process. In fact, both of us probably did so in the manner described herein... Thus, we have here a partially truthful, perhaps, partially fictitious episode of empathy. Thank you, TKM, for inspiring this, yet another silly but well-intentioned saga of lives well lived and memories of extravagant moments in the annals of seeking major executive placements!)
The other night, our sweet wonderful daughter and son-in-law invited us for dinner, followed by a new game they recently acquired. The dinner was excellent, and the game was great fun.
I admit I was astonished at their brilliance, and equally astonished by the breadth of their knowledge, and what they're being taught in today's "super schools." Stuff no one would have bothered to impart to us in my generation. I mean, in my feeble effort to discuss the origins of Planet Earth, the kids simply nodded their awareness of such information, and launched into dissertations of planetary and universe origins, along with nuggets of biology, pendulous vs. attached earlobes and other extraordinary gems of information. "Holy shit," I wanted to exclaim, but didn't...I mean, good gosh Buffalo Bob, I'm a full-fledged Geezer, aint I? I know lots of stuff, don't I? You know, the wisdom of age and the ages!!?? Thinking back to my own high school education, I learned Latin, for example! Terribly useful, after all!! Four years of it! Doesn't that count for something?! Anything?? And then I'm thinking, "Gee whiz, why couldn't I have wow'ed a potential employer with such wisdom...?
A Sample Interview:
"Good morning, Mr. Stouddelman. I'm J. Ringworm Bottlestop, here to interview for the position you advertised. I'm certain I'd be perfect... Do you offer a six or a seven-figure salary, by the by? Well never mind the crassness of fiduciary excrement. Let me demonstrate my vast knowledge, my liberal education: 'Romani occiderunt Gallos' for example. Or, how about, 'Omnia Gallus est dividium in tres partis'! How about them apples, Mr. Stouddlemeyer!!??
"I beg your pardon... I don't..."
"What's that? You don't know what those important and useful phrases mean? You don't 'capeesh' Latin, you silly, ignorant buffoon?! I'm doing my damndest to impress as well as edify a person of your limited scope, Mr. Snozzelman. Do I get the job, that is, the position... the career opportunity? My liberal knowledge alone -- never mind algebra and stuff mathematical -- should qualify me for a big weekly paycheck! Aina!!??"
"Well now, Mr. Corkscrew..."
 |
| Actually, I was thinking of something more This Century! But, 1916 is sort of classy! |
"Mr. Bottlestop," the interviewee corrects!
"See here, Mr. Corkscrew, It seems you demonstrate no knowledge of corporate communications and marketing. You've told me nothing about your qualifications for the position we seek to fill! Have you anything to suggest about positioning our brand, for example, to our marketplace, to the purchasing public to which we seek to sell our fine product and services? (Hic! Where the hell's that booze bottle I keep in my desk drawer for emergencies??!!...)"
"Now listen here, you apparently empty-headed baboon, 'Barba tenus sapientes'! And, 'Auribus teneo lupum,' you supercilious, fat-headed potential employer! Have you learned nothing of value in your vapid and vacuous life??!! 'Caesar non supra grammaticos!' and a big, vigorous FIE in your silly mush, to boot!" "Ms. Pfinchley... I say, Ms. Pfinchley, may we summon the next candidate please. Good day, Mr. Corkscrew. We'll be in touch... Next, please!!"
"Up yours, Mr. Snotlocker. You don't deserve a personage of my particular brand of brilliance. I know when I'm being ushered the hell out the door! And a crap-ass day to you too!! 'Corporatum delenda est!' Oh, um, by the by, is a Cadillac company car part of the offer I can expect??..."
In the distant past, I tried in vain to use my vast knowledge of the Latin tongue to ingratiate myself to a potential employer. I tend to wonder what the hell four years of Latin was worth, not to mention other aspects of my liberal education! Why couldn't I have learned what kids today are learning. You know, useful and marketable stuff!! Science, Engineering, Brain Surgery...
(Special Note of Dedication: The perpetrator dedicates this blog posting to his Beloved Son-in-Law, Mr. T.K.M. The "interview" portion is not intended to offend, but rather to amuse. He and I would have enjoyed this type of interview process. In fact, both of us probably did so in the manner described herein... Thus, we have here a partially truthful, perhaps, partially fictitious episode of empathy. Thank you, TKM, for inspiring this, yet another silly but well-intentioned saga of lives well lived and memories of extravagant moments in the annals of seeking major executive placements!)
Humbly Submitted, 03-08-19 -- Joel K.
