Memoirs of a Geezer!
Reflections and Observations -- A Bright Passage from the Fantasies of Youth
to Illuminations of Advanced Maturity!
In one's callow youth, mine, that is, I enjoyed traveling with my dear old friend, Patrick. (At least I think so! Memory sometimes fogs a bit resulting from prodigious ingestion of spirits!) On one occasion we took a road trip bound for California, commencing in Cheyenne, Wyoming, then ever onward and west bound. We were keen to visit the Grand Canyon along the way to the coast. Trouble was we liked to visit every saloon and tavern as we wandered westward. In Williams, Arizona, for
example, we couldn't resist the beckoning gin joints and the marvelous characters who practically therein resided! "Big Biff" and "Gert the Guzzler" and "Cactus Smelly Rictus," to name a few. Lots of cowboys, too, or so they claimed. (I suppose ancient, filthy cowboy hats lent some credence to their alleged veracity!)
This Episode: Traveling Then and Now... Coffee vs. Whiskey!
Many people love to travel; to some it's a kind of religion. I'm one of those who could travel almost constantly, if time and resources allowed. I think there ought to be a travel channel and books specifically geared to the older traveler... The Travel Geezer, for example, or A Geezer's Guide to a Sedentary Sort of Almost Adventurous Travel with Lots of Sitting Down... something of that nature. Wait a minute! Mustn't forget television... GLOBE SHUFFLER?
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| Just Imagine the Glories of this Thing in the Middle of the Night!!? |
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| Here's a view of at least one of the fabulous saloons in Williams... and, Oh Yeah, a postcard (at right). I think we actually purchased a postcard there... possibly! |
We claimed to have seen the great gaping hole that is the Grand Canyon, although, owing to frequent patronage of saloons, we arrived at night. The great gaping hole was a black hole. What a sight for two weary travelers who likely couldn't see straight in any case. You shoulda seen the pictures we took! (But you wouldn't have been able to see anything... sort of like "artistic" shots inside coal bins or un-illuminated cave walls!)
We reached Las Vegas at night too. Same impediments prevented an earlier arrival. The casinos served us lots of drinks while we were losing lots of currency. Such elegant travelers!... because we failed to engage our brains, we failed to engage a room. We slept in the
car, a compact. Police woke us in the AM and accused us of vagrancy. We opened our wallets, pockets too maybe, to reveal spare amounts of folding money and a couple of expired credit cards. But, ever resourceful, we booked a cheap motel and spent another exciting night losing more money. What a time we had! We made it to California, finally, on money borrowed and wired.
We reached Las Vegas at night too. Same impediments prevented an earlier arrival. The casinos served us lots of drinks while we were losing lots of currency. Such elegant travelers!... because we failed to engage our brains, we failed to engage a room. We slept in the
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| Arrived at Night; Slept in the Car; Lost Lots of Folding Currency. What a Time we Had!!? |
Times change, sometimes for the better. As age piled onto our bones and empty bourbon bottles remained un-replenished, travel adventures became a little less perilous, a bit less robust. Sweetheart and I "travel" about five miles a day as we walk to one of several locations of our favorite coffee house. I'm thinking someday I'd like to adopt a permanent persona as a "coffee house character," having some years ago replaced a fondness for beer and whiskey with a love of good coffee.
I begin to imagine my own brilliant pontifications as I listen to typical coffee cafe exchanges. They tend to go something like this:
"Hey Bumpy, how ya doin'?"
"How YOU doin' ?"
"I assed you foist. How YOU doin'?"
"How YOU doin'?"
"You don't ass me how I'm doin' when I assed you foist. Politeness, Bumpy! You're s'posed to Follow a proper protocol, like.... aaah, the hell wid it. I'm doin' OK. Got a touch of the quinsy, I tink.... Udder den dat... Oh, and pustules..."
"Doin' any travelin'?"
"Yeah, me an Lumpy drove over to, uh... whatchacallit last week. Had a few beers, played some cribbage wid, uh, ya know, them chunky pals o' ours in the bib overalls.... We got lost on the way back. Hadda ass a farmer where we was."
"Sounds like a real nice, uh... whatchacallit... How's yer, uh...? Whatsit... yer nose still looks a little brownish, like maybe, like, it's phlebotomized..."
Or... maybe NOT a coffee house character!
We get to a lot of coffee places these days. We really like the stuff, and our habituation of "mud joints" is a kind of motivational "carrot" to keep us on our daily five-mile trek, maintain the discipline it requires. Knowing that at the end, or nearing the end of the hike, we'll have our reward. Our preferred coffee purveyor has two locations in Madison. We've been to both. Now that's traveling, eh?! In Chicago, one has to frequent a different establishment, like Intelligencia, not a bad substitute, though!
And so we adapt to changing times and altered behaviors. We still get to Florida, taking
advantage of a generous cousin and an inexpensive condo rental. And, Door County... Dubuque... Dickeyville... Duluth... Clam Falls... Footville... Before I kick off the mortal coil, however, I'd like to get to Italy. I want to sit around with pasta sauce dribbling from my chin and have a chat with wonderful old Italians, even though there'll be no real comprehension on either end of the dialogue! I plan to bring a Berlitz Book or the Geezer's Guild to Italian and How to Eat Pasta without Looking Like a Dopey Tourist with Red Chin Whisker Stains! (I tend to prefer red sauce!)
And yet, travel, any kind of travel, is a gift! (That is, apart from being kicked down a flight of stairs!) I enjoy looking at the public access pages of bookface where travel adventures of all types and sizes are posted. Relatives who just went to bask in the warmth of the Dominican Republic and they didn't invite us!!... for example. Yes, my dears, I love travel. Maybe one day Sweetheart and I will get to pack a sack and catch a Number 32 bus and re-visit the old west... you know, Wauwatosa!! In the meantime... "Sweetheart, where's my re-fillable coffee mug? I can't find... Hey! Where'd you put the lid? What??!! I lost the lid?!?..."
(Special Note of Gratitude and Dedication: To, Pat, my wonderful friend of long standing, who's currently undergoing a difficult challenge, and he's doing so with courage and grace. Hope to see you soon in person. Thought you might enjoy recalling one of our memorable travel adventures. Thank you for sharing with me some of the greatest travel experiences one can store in memory... or maybe needs to forget! In any event, I raise a cheer to you and memories of the "Grand Hook-a-Thons of our youth!" And thanks to Joey, too, for her generous forbearance! With love to Both!)
I begin to imagine my own brilliant pontifications as I listen to typical coffee cafe exchanges. They tend to go something like this:
"Hey Bumpy, how ya doin'?"
"How YOU doin' ?"
"I assed you foist. How YOU doin'?"
"How YOU doin'?"
"You don't ass me how I'm doin' when I assed you foist. Politeness, Bumpy! You're s'posed to Follow a proper protocol, like.... aaah, the hell wid it. I'm doin' OK. Got a touch of the quinsy, I tink.... Udder den dat... Oh, and pustules..."
"Doin' any travelin'?"
"Yeah, me an Lumpy drove over to, uh... whatchacallit last week. Had a few beers, played some cribbage wid, uh, ya know, them chunky pals o' ours in the bib overalls.... We got lost on the way back. Hadda ass a farmer where we was."
"Sounds like a real nice, uh... whatchacallit... How's yer, uh...? Whatsit... yer nose still looks a little brownish, like maybe, like, it's phlebotomized..."
Or... maybe NOT a coffee house character!
We get to a lot of coffee places these days. We really like the stuff, and our habituation of "mud joints" is a kind of motivational "carrot" to keep us on our daily five-mile trek, maintain the discipline it requires. Knowing that at the end, or nearing the end of the hike, we'll have our reward. Our preferred coffee purveyor has two locations in Madison. We've been to both. Now that's traveling, eh?! In Chicago, one has to frequent a different establishment, like Intelligencia, not a bad substitute, though!
And so we adapt to changing times and altered behaviors. We still get to Florida, taking
And yet, travel, any kind of travel, is a gift! (That is, apart from being kicked down a flight of stairs!) I enjoy looking at the public access pages of bookface where travel adventures of all types and sizes are posted. Relatives who just went to bask in the warmth of the Dominican Republic and they didn't invite us!!... for example. Yes, my dears, I love travel. Maybe one day Sweetheart and I will get to pack a sack and catch a Number 32 bus and re-visit the old west... you know, Wauwatosa!! In the meantime... "Sweetheart, where's my re-fillable coffee mug? I can't find... Hey! Where'd you put the lid? What??!! I lost the lid?!?..."
(Special Note of Gratitude and Dedication: To, Pat, my wonderful friend of long standing, who's currently undergoing a difficult challenge, and he's doing so with courage and grace. Hope to see you soon in person. Thought you might enjoy recalling one of our memorable travel adventures. Thank you for sharing with me some of the greatest travel experiences one can store in memory... or maybe needs to forget! In any event, I raise a cheer to you and memories of the "Grand Hook-a-Thons of our youth!" And thanks to Joey, too, for her generous forbearance! With love to Both!)
Humbly Submitted, 04-06-16 -- Joel K.
