The Noisiest, Longest Holiday!

Memoirs of a Geezer!

Reflections and Observations -- A Bright Passage from the Fantasies of Youth 

to Illuminations of Advanced Maturity!

This Episode:                      The Noisiest Holiday...  Longest, too! *

For the past 41 years straight, including 2016, this geezer and family have enjoyed the obstreperous celebration at Milwaukee's fabled Lake Front, namely the 3rd of July Fireworks

explosions, sponsored by some financial institution or other.  What a day-long event it is, and has been over time.  We play, we picnic, we sing and dance...  we even cavort! It's a dashedly, wizardly fine time!  Ask anyone!!

Among the joys of the 3rd is the extraordinary diversity of humanity (and possible extra-terrestrial beings) in attendance, endlessly parading back and forth along the various promenades...  sidewalks on the periphery of and within the confines of Juneau Park. Just this past July, I'm certain I saw Darth and Dorothy Vader, for example.  I accosted them,

Darth-y and Dorothy ("Dot") Vader enjoying the
3rd of July pyrotechnics "Noise-a-Rama" at
Milwaukee's famous and fabled Lake Front!

just to convey greetings.  Darthy (that's what I call him affectionately!) told me they'd just come from the annual Death Star Sock Hop, but hoped to retain their anonymity as they enjoyed the evening's pyrotechnics.  I promised not to point them out to the multitude!  (Their children were apparently being minded and babysat by Mynocks and Space Slugs!)  

And there are certain traditions in our family's annual participation that cannot be ignored. The grandchildren, particularly Lucy and Phia, enjoy pasting small stickers or decals to my sunglasses until my vision is completed obfuscated.  The boys, Coen and Sean, enjoy jumping upon my person to see if I can emerge from the event without

Lucy (at top), Hanna (left), Phia
(on Papa's lap), and Papa rendered
sightless by stickers!  Such Fun!

too many bruises and broken parts! Oh, I tell you, it's all a portion of the rich pageantry of this marvelous event.

Speaking of obfuscation, one year the fog was so dense we could but hear the explosions.  We imagined they were quite a spectacle, though they were not visible behind the fog!  One astute person announced, "These are best darn fireworks I've ever not actually seen!"  

The day invariably consists of games -- including "How's Yours?" -- a delightful romp in which a person is sent away while the others select a body part, the object of the ensuing guessing contest.  The "sent-away" party is summoned back and made to ask each participant, "How's yours," until the object body part is correctly ascertained.  (Sometimes the clues and the guesses become a bit ribald, but the fun never stops... happily, the vulgar references most often sail over the crania of the small children in attendance!  Uh, don't they...  What's all that whispering over there??!!)  

There are treats aplenty.  Homemade cookies, crisped rice bars in patriotic colors, various kinds of brownie-style treats, cupcakes.  And fresh fruit, too, of course.  It would be criminal not to enjoy the yummy delights of fresh summer fruit -- strawberries, blueberries, red grapes, kiwis and calabashes!  (Don't tell me you don't include a calabash or two among your July 3rd comestibles??!!)    

This could be an actual image of
discarded furniture, of the type
secured annually by
"Acquisitions Andrew" with
the blessings of "Captain Billy"!
(Photo entitled, "Frayed but
Functional"!)

One of the most anticipated joys of the 3rd Fireworks display is the attempt to find an outhouse with actual paper still available in its holder!  Oh yes, and then there's the outdoor, ersatz living room established by two giants of annual attendance, "Captain Billy" and "Acquisitions Andrew." The latter scours the city in search of discarded furniture that can be gathered up and transported to Juneau Park for the comfort and viewing pleasure of family, friends and visiting dignitaries (such as a certain geezer and his entourage)!

Throughout the years we've started the celebration by "staking our claim" to a portion of the Park, and setting up our enclosure with string and "Do Not Cross" tape coiled around stakes hammered into the earth.  People are remarkably respectful of "staked claims."  The day begins quite early (* hence, the "Longest"!) and ends well after darkness descends.  Immediately following the pyrotechnics, the mad and frenzied exodus begins as thousands gather belongings and trample one another as they rush to parked vehicles, bicycles, horses, mules, buses, space ships and other conveyances in crazed, snarling efforts to be first to reach their modes of transportation without being killed or maimed in the process! We usually wait a bit, and then amble along slowly and respectfully before being knocked down and trampled in the stampede. All part of the rich pageant of... well you get the idea, I'm sure...

Sweetheart, Perpetrator, Alie, Bethie,
Phia, Lucy, Coen (top to bottom, l to r)

Usually, we do not attend a second display of pyrotechnic patriotism on the actual 4th, but this

Susie (at top), Dennis and Carol

year was an exception. Dear friends Dennis and Carol were in town from Nevada staying with our beloved niece, Susie, her spouse, Tom, and children, Tucker and Jack. Both Dennis and Carol have a bit of difficulty with long and arduous walks, hence Susie provides wheeled chairs and human capital to move the pair from parking spaces to the viewing spaces.  Always a rich treat to see and spend time with the aforementioned.  We danced, we sang with Ms. Amy, we oohed and aahed, our senses dazzled once again by the booming and brilliant explosions in the skies above us.

Perpetrator and Susie play Cribbage!
Coen looks on in admiration, possibly!

Each year Sweetheart and I insist we're not going to attend the 3rd of July Explosions, but then our daughter, Alie, insists that we cannot break the tradition.  We relent.  But, there's been a possible concession to our elderly complaints about long hours seated upon the earth, packing up all the stuff that's needed, hauling our wagon full of blankets and coolers and signage (Our Staked Claim and Claim Number!), stakes, a hammer, parking challenges, bicycle riding...  sometimes. We may actually be permitted to arrive at the Park a bit later than our usual quite early "clocking-in" hour.  More time to rest, take a nap maybe, slurp our porridge or gum some soft stuff like mashed potatoes or mush! Well, all in all, it's been a great run at 41 years and counting. We look forward to many more, not to mention cupcakes and mixed nuts, calabashes, cookies...!       

Questions:    1.  What are your favorite memories of the July 3rd Fireworks at Milwaukee's                                    Lake Front, Dear and Noble Reader?
                      2.  Do you barbecue?
                      3.  Do you pack a lunch to bring sandwiches in a cooler?
                      4.  What are your favorite or best treats / desserts that you bring to the event?
                      5.  How many years have you been attending this fine event?

Post Comments Below, as Desired:
 

Humbly Submitted 08-18-16 -- Joel K.

                      

  

   

      

  

Intrepid Geezer... The Quest for Pukeymans!

Memoirs of a Geezer!

Reflections and Observations -- A Bright Passage from the Fantasies of Youth 

to Illuminations of Advanced Maturity!

This Episode:          An Intrepid Geezer and the Quest for Pukeymans!

The intrepid Geezer examines his borrowed smartie phone
in an effort to figure out this Pukeymans game thing!

One likes to be a "now" sort of geezer, in touch with the times, hip, up to date on the latest bits of fads and foolishness.  As such, I went out looking for Pukeymans.  You know, that obsession with finding an imaginary or video-ized pretend character... or is he / she / it a pantomime creature?  Doesn't really matter, I suppose.  I'm on the hunt!

I walk over to the Park all the while staring at my borrowed cellular telephone device.  I start out with a Flippy Phone, but I'm told I have to use a smartie pants cellular device that has the capacity to load apes (simians?)...  um, apps (What does mean, "apps"?).  (People keep correcting me!)  Thusly, I had to borrow or steal a smartie phone thing for the adventure. 

So, I'm walking along staring at the device looking for Pukeymans, and first I walk into a tree. An arborial rodent throws an acorn at my head.  I walk on.  Then I inadvertently walk into a road in which motorists beep and honk and shout obscenities.  I adjust my trajectory!  

Image of an elderly man knocked flat;
not a precise image of the man
described herein, but used here to
illustrate the concept of a 
collapsed elderly man knocked flat!

I return to the Park.  Now I'm walking briskly, hurrying along. I crash into an elderly man whom I don't see as I'm staring at the smartie telecone, uh...  phone.  I knock him over.  He crashes to the earth and begins to mumble unintelligibly.  I offer to contact his next of kin if he'll give me a quarter for the call.  I take his smartie telephone, look under contacts and make a call. 

"Hello."
"Yes."
"Who's this?
"Who's this?" 
"Are you related to an elderly man with a wispy moostache who wears thick eyeglasses, a plaid tunic and bermuda shorts in various shades of orange, green and fuchsia?"
"Who the hell is this?!"
"I just bumped into your loved one who is now lying in a crumpled heap mumbling incoherently."
"Who the hell is this??!!"
"I can possibly give you the coordinates.  Do you have a pencil?  Can you reimburse me for my time?  I got needs!"  
"Who in the hell is this, you blabbering buffoon??!!"

"Dudes!!  I think I found
Pukeymans!"

I move on after stuffing the telephone back into a front pocket of the mumbling man on the ground in the bermuda shorts.  I only extract a quarter.  I'm no thief.  Next, still walking aimlessly whist staring at the smartie telephone screen looking for signs of Pukeymans, I step on the paw of a large dog who's apparently also on the quest. The dog sniffs and then throws up on one of my wingtips.  Another dog, a probable companion of the first dog, disgraces itself on another of my wingtips.  I move on, still apparently no closer to finding the elusive Pukeymans. 

As I walk along in the Park, I spy a youth holding what I think is a cellular device.  I

I don't think the elderly lady rolled
as far as the Lake!

excuse myself and say, "Hey, youth, I can't seem to find Pukeymans on my device. Whadayou think?  Can you help me figure how to do this game thing?" 

Snotty ageist youth kid!

The kid looks at my device and says, "Hey, it aint even turned on, you ridiculous old dope!"
I snatch the device from the kid and retort, "Gimme that, you snot-nosed little gutter snipe!"  

I back up away from the snotty kid; I'm still staring at the cellular smartie phone that allegedly has not actually been activated. I bump into an elderly lady.  She screams and falls over the bluff, rolling and shrieking as she tumbles through brambles and sharp sticks and shrubbery, cursing at me as I watch her roll further along down the precipice. 

"It wasn't my fault...   Pukeymans'es fault!" I shout after the woman, who's now gaining speed as she tumbles.  I turn to look at the gathering, gawking throng of Pukeymans chasers. Some have actually looked up from their devices.   

"Anybody got a rope?"  

Humbly Submitted 08-08-16 -- Joel K.