Memoirs of a Geezer!
Reflections and Observations -- A Bright Passage from the Fantasies of Youth
to Illuminations of Advanced Maturity!
This Episode: An Intrepid Geezer and the Quest for Pukeymans!
One likes to be a "now" sort of geezer, in touch with the times, hip, up to date on the latest bits of fads and foolishness. As such, I went out looking for Pukeymans. You know, that obsession with finding an imaginary or video-ized pretend character... or is he / she / it a pantomime creature? Doesn't really matter, I suppose. I'm on the hunt!
I walk over to the Park all the while staring at my borrowed cellular telephone device. I start out with a Flippy Phone, but I'm told I have to use a smartie pants cellular device that has the capacity to load apes (simians?)... um, apps (What does mean, "apps"?). (People keep correcting me!) Thusly, I had to borrow or steal a smartie phone thing for the adventure.
So, I'm walking along staring at the device looking for Pukeymans, and first I walk into a tree. An arborial rodent throws an acorn at my head. I walk on. Then I inadvertently walk into a road in which motorists beep and honk and shout obscenities. I adjust my trajectory!
I return to the Park. Now I'm walking briskly, hurrying along. I crash into an elderly man whom I don't see as I'm staring at the smartie telecone, uh... phone. I knock him over. He crashes to the earth and begins to mumble unintelligibly. I offer to contact his next of kin if he'll give me a quarter for the call. I take his smartie telephone, look under contacts and make a call.
"Hello."
"Yes."
"Who's this?
"Who's this?"
"Are you related to an elderly man with a wispy moostache who wears thick eyeglasses, a plaid tunic and bermuda shorts in various shades of orange, green and fuchsia?"
"Who the hell is this?!"
"I just bumped into your loved one who is now lying in a crumpled heap mumbling incoherently."
"Who the hell is this??!!"
"I can possibly give you the coordinates. Do you have a pencil? Can you reimburse me for my time? I got needs!"
"Who in the hell is this, you blabbering buffoon??!!"
I move on after stuffing the telephone back into a front pocket of the mumbling man on the ground in the bermuda shorts. I only extract a quarter. I'm no thief. Next, still walking aimlessly whist staring at the smartie telephone screen looking for signs of Pukeymans, I step on the paw of a large dog who's apparently also on the quest. The dog sniffs and then throws up on one of my wingtips. Another dog, a probable companion of the first dog, disgraces itself on another of my wingtips. I move on, still apparently no closer to finding the elusive Pukeymans.
As I walk along in the Park, I spy a youth holding what I think is a cellular device. I
excuse myself and say, "Hey, youth, I can't seem to find Pukeymans on my device. Whadayou think? Can you help me figure how to do this game thing?"
The kid looks at my device and says, "Hey, it aint even turned on, you ridiculous old dope!"
I snatch the device from the kid and retort, "Gimme that, you snot-nosed little gutter snipe!"
I back up away from the snotty kid; I'm still staring at the cellular smartie phone that allegedly has not actually been activated. I bump into an elderly lady. She screams and falls over the bluff, rolling and shrieking as she tumbles through brambles and sharp sticks and shrubbery, cursing at me as I watch her roll further along down the precipice.
"It wasn't my fault... Pukeymans'es fault!" I shout after the woman, who's now gaining speed as she tumbles. I turn to look at the gathering, gawking throng of Pukeymans chasers. Some have actually looked up from their devices.
"Anybody got a rope?"
 |
| The intrepid Geezer examines his borrowed smartie phone in an effort to figure out this Pukeymans game thing! |
One likes to be a "now" sort of geezer, in touch with the times, hip, up to date on the latest bits of fads and foolishness. As such, I went out looking for Pukeymans. You know, that obsession with finding an imaginary or video-ized pretend character... or is he / she / it a pantomime creature? Doesn't really matter, I suppose. I'm on the hunt!
I walk over to the Park all the while staring at my borrowed cellular telephone device. I start out with a Flippy Phone, but I'm told I have to use a smartie pants cellular device that has the capacity to load apes (simians?)... um, apps (What does mean, "apps"?). (People keep correcting me!) Thusly, I had to borrow or steal a smartie phone thing for the adventure.
So, I'm walking along staring at the device looking for Pukeymans, and first I walk into a tree. An arborial rodent throws an acorn at my head. I walk on. Then I inadvertently walk into a road in which motorists beep and honk and shout obscenities. I adjust my trajectory!
 |
| Image of an elderly man knocked flat; not a precise image of the man described herein, but used here to illustrate the concept of a collapsed elderly man knocked flat! |
I return to the Park. Now I'm walking briskly, hurrying along. I crash into an elderly man whom I don't see as I'm staring at the smartie telecone, uh... phone. I knock him over. He crashes to the earth and begins to mumble unintelligibly. I offer to contact his next of kin if he'll give me a quarter for the call. I take his smartie telephone, look under contacts and make a call.
"Hello."
"Yes."
"Who's this?
"Who's this?"
"Are you related to an elderly man with a wispy moostache who wears thick eyeglasses, a plaid tunic and bermuda shorts in various shades of orange, green and fuchsia?"
"Who the hell is this?!"
"I just bumped into your loved one who is now lying in a crumpled heap mumbling incoherently."
"Who the hell is this??!!"
"I can possibly give you the coordinates. Do you have a pencil? Can you reimburse me for my time? I got needs!"
"Who in the hell is this, you blabbering buffoon??!!"
 |
| "Dudes!! I think I found Pukeymans!" |
I move on after stuffing the telephone back into a front pocket of the mumbling man on the ground in the bermuda shorts. I only extract a quarter. I'm no thief. Next, still walking aimlessly whist staring at the smartie telephone screen looking for signs of Pukeymans, I step on the paw of a large dog who's apparently also on the quest. The dog sniffs and then throws up on one of my wingtips. Another dog, a probable companion of the first dog, disgraces itself on another of my wingtips. I move on, still apparently no closer to finding the elusive Pukeymans. As I walk along in the Park, I spy a youth holding what I think is a cellular device. I
 |
| I don't think the elderly lady rolled as far as the Lake! |
 |
| Snotty ageist youth kid! |
I snatch the device from the kid and retort, "Gimme that, you snot-nosed little gutter snipe!"
I back up away from the snotty kid; I'm still staring at the cellular smartie phone that allegedly has not actually been activated. I bump into an elderly lady. She screams and falls over the bluff, rolling and shrieking as she tumbles through brambles and sharp sticks and shrubbery, cursing at me as I watch her roll further along down the precipice.
"It wasn't my fault... Pukeymans'es fault!" I shout after the woman, who's now gaining speed as she tumbles. I turn to look at the gathering, gawking throng of Pukeymans chasers. Some have actually looked up from their devices.
"Anybody got a rope?"
Humbly Submitted 08-08-16 -- Joel K.
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