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Memoirs of a  Geezer! Reflections and Observations  -- A Bright Passage from the Fantasies of Youth  ...

Wednesday, February 18, 2026

Life on a Mississippi Houseboat!

 

Memoirs of a Geezer

  
Reflections and Observations -- A Bright Passage from the Fantasies of Youth to Illuminations of Advanced Maturity!

This Episode:          Life on a Mississippi Houseboat!
                     (Not an Entire Life...   A Brief Portion of It!...)

There was even a slide!... so if we chose to do so, we could immerse ourselves in the River, swim, or commune with fishes great and small!

Superb seamanship or Sea-Woman-ship -- an extraordinary skill, particularly noteworthy in the Age of Geezerhood!  "Hey, gang, why don't we book a trip on the Great River, you know, the Mississippi, crusin' on a houseboat!"

Our grand adventure began with that profound suggestion!!??   "Did I just hear correctly?  Did someone propose something exceptionally idiotic?"  

...Soon -- whether or not completely idiotic -- we were in a motor vehicle bound for Alma, Wisconsin, a rather small but handsome community perched on the Mississippi River, north of LaCrosse, WI, south of Red Wing, MN.  Once having arrived, we sought the marina of one Captain Jack and his flotilla of houseboats, each an aquatic dwelling, each an ark, happily, devoid of pairs of animals great and small!  

On board and touring the commodious interior, Captain Jack posed a question to the four of us, "Which of you wants to pilot the boat?"  We deferred to Rob, thinking he'd be the most capable skipper.  Rob has a vast knowledge of things, all kinds of things, including those mechanical, you know, sort of "clockwork" contrivances.  

"Watch out for wing dams," cautioned Captain Jack.  "Steer clear of them.  There are
I think that's us down there!
many on the river banks.  Also, when you moor the houseboat along river banks, because of the current, you'll have to 'crab' into your mooring points.  That means, not straight in, but left, then right, as if 'tacking' into or onto each bank, each mooring point." 

[Wing dams, for those of you interested and still reading -- as I'm certain you are! -- were built and positioned along the river banks by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers.  The function of such dams is to maintain a channel for commercial barges by reducing sedimentation and dredging.  They also act as "fish magnets" for species such as walleye.  Fascinating, what?!!] 

Once trained or indoctrinated, Rob steered our floating home southward along the glorious Mississippi River, its current a fear-inducing force to behold.  He did well, and piloted the craft safely and efficiently.  

We were watching the bonfire
from afar.  Quite hot if too
close, you see!
As we began to lose light on our first night on the Great River, Rob guided the houseboat into an inlet.  Once anchored, we unloaded the food we brought along, and some kindling and logs, beach chairs as well.  The inlet included a waterway channel and sandy islands suitable for human respites and temporary habitation. 

We built and started an excellent bon fire, greeted and were greeted by fellow houseboaters, mostly young people, but some older, more seasoned mariners as well. 

That evening, we marveled at the enormous river tugs pushing "trains" of barges northward along the river, the lights of the tugs enhancing the stunning and truly
magnificent engines of commerce, like great illuminated river monsters moving smoothly and resolutely along the winding Mississippi corridor.  

Enjoying the pleasant evening and the sights and sounds along the river, one of our party burst into a baritone rendition of "Old Man River," the song enjoyed by our companions, all of whom pronounced the experience delightful, and appropriately adding to the setting and the overall adventure. 

Early in the evening of the following day, Rob artfully crabbed into an inviting looking bank of the river, just across from an enormous eagle's nest, but safely nestled between a couple of wing dams.  We all felt, and remarked upon it, that a party of four could book  a night's lodging in that huge nest.  It was really big!  I mean, really BIG!!!

In the middle of that night, we spied a gorgeously illuminated river tug pushing its queue
of barges!  Mesmerized, we watched until it cruised past our lines of vision.  Crawling 
Wish you could see the lights...  
Truly a  spectacular
 sight under the night time sky!
back to our beds -- the houseboat contained two comfortable bed chambers -- and once again blissfully unconscious, but only briefly, we were awakened by a mighty thump.  In the light of an early morning, we noticed a large tree limb protruding from the stern. 




It turned out to be an entire tree that had obviously fallen
into the river, floated along and decided to stop its 
southward progress by lodging itself under our vessel.  We
tried in vain to remove the beast, finally having to 
summon  Captain Jack and his motor launch.  
Jack was forced to loop a chain around the visible part
of the giant limb and haul the thing out from under. 

We made pals with this pair
but they didn't invite
us into their living quarters!  Odd!


May or may not be an authentic image
of Captain Jack, but probably really close!
 
Only then did we witness and marvel at the size of that entire tree.  We could never have removed it with our humble efforts...  Might have had to take up permanent residency had it not been for Captain Jack, his "first mate" and their effective exertions, along with the powerful motor of the launch! 

It may or may not have been during that same river / houseboat adventure that we witnessed
lots of bald eagles, some in an eagle sanctuary
 for wounded birds, based on the Minnesota
side of the Great River.  Beautiful sights, those
majestic eagles, whether in flight, diving for sustenance (river fish) or merely perched in trees scouting for a robust meal!  You've no doubt heard the expression, "Eagle Eyed"?  Of course you have!!

The four of us will surely never forget that extraordinary time we had houseboating on the Mississippi.  We departed with reluctance, but made our way homeward via the Great River Road, stopping off at Trempealeau -- still within sight of the River -- for a delicious feast.

Would we reprise that wonderful adventure?  Hell yes, but when?  That we'll have to figure out, when time and tide find us yearning for another great moment in the lives, times and legends of intrepid explorers!  Thank You!

(Special Note of Dedication:   For "Skipper" Rob, Mary (SweetHeart) and, in Memoriam, our Beloved and Wonderful friend and fellow mariner, Susie!  Too Soon departed, but always in our thoughts, in our hearts and in the fondest and very Best of our Memories.  Thank You!)       





   


Friday, January 9, 2026

An Appearance on the Bespoke Great British Baking Program...!

 

Memoirs of a Geezer

  
Reflections and Observations -- A Bright Passage from the Fantasies of Youth to Illuminations of Advanced Maturity!



Call if you Like Cake...  or maybe, 
perhaps, to wit, tend to honor 
This superb Posting, possibly (?) !!  
correspondence of Praise always welcome!!


This Episode:          An Appearance on the Bespoke 
                      Great British Baking Program...!

To begin...  I would appear under my "Baking Pseudonym," namely, Lord Eustace Von Bavarois, Lord Lieutenant (Leftenant, as pronounced by the British) of the Royal Borrachos, and 27th Earl of Blitheringdom!  I should insist upon being addressed as "Your Worship, Lord Bavarois," slight bows acknowledging my status and lofty position in life and in the monarchical realm! 

I would employ a valet, possibly a footman, to convey all of my baking impedimenta and paraphernalia; I would not demean or reduce myself or my exalted status by carrying tomy baking station the aforementioned.  I should insist upon occupying a front forward station, on the right side, with eastern breezes wafting gently through the adjacent tent flap.  Disagreeable odors would not be permitted to assault my olfactory gland by invading the tent opening intended solely for the aforementioned sweet breeze or breezes and maybe furtive glances at odd passersby...

I would happily interact socially and culturally with Susan and Mel, or with Noel and Sandy, but with no other vapid and vacuous alleged "comedic host."  I am nothing if not empathic, but there are standards that must be adhered to by persons of noble bearing!  

As to the so-called judges, I would accept the comments and constructive criticism of 
The Judges!
Prue, but I would very likely refuse to interact professionally, culturally or socially with the male member of the judging duo.  There are limits to one's tolerance and generosity of spirit.  And, he often talks mean and uses nasty words.  

When summoned to the various challenges -- Signature, Technical and StopShow-er...  I would of course refuse, in accordance with the Concordat of Beans 
(to which my EarlDom is a signatory) to engage in silly and meaningless bake challenges, such as Ibbie Skibbie, Konsikracker, Stoop Warffles, Pudding Sloppies, Gelatinous Slurppies (I hate those things!), Korkleflies, Soofles, Fig Warts, Spotted Dickies, StinkFarfels, Bloated Pig Dinkies, Mumblekaks or anything made using ink, of squid or fountain biro variety.  I will not concoct anything steamed, nor a baked thing sporting an unappetizing color.  I don't care much for green bakes or those made with eel.  


How many of you enthusiastic and rabid supporters and readers now engaged in perusing this piece of brilliant (sort of ) literature actually bake stuff?  I'd like a show of hands, please! Additionally, I'd prefer to see actual images of baked goods.  Those to be sent to the perpetrator of this writing via some form of secretive conveyance such as
I think the above image is of
a Stoop Warffle!
private courier, carrier duck, Beefeater in full Vatican livery, a private chauffeur, meaning, a large muscular beast with martial arts training in taekwondo, Kung Fu, Grappling and Greco-Roman Knuckle Lock.         

I suppose I might deign to interact with other contestants, if such contestants behave with dignity and deference.  I would not interact with whiny contestants who babble, such as that chap who guzzled milky drinks and complained of broken bowls and oven doors and used the word "put" far too frequently.  

I don't know what the hell
that thing is... But I recall
looking through something
of that appearance and
shape to view certain
pictures!  I was just 
an innocent child then!
I did enjoy some of the more Vintage Contestants, homely bakers who brought their own frilly aprons that they were not allowed to wear, owing to the mean-spirited regulations of pedantic organizers and production tyrants, cockalorums and petty snollygosters, or maybe even pillocks and oiks!!
Drat Them!   

Let me clarify...  Vintage Baking Contestants...  e.g.  Linda, Maggie, Jane, the guy who performed arm semaphore...  Norman, I think!  One of them should have prevailed.  Ageism, I suppose! 
 
I'm guessing the famous, revered and much vaunted, Lord Eustace Von Bavarois, too, might have been ousted or booted from the marquis (large tented property) because he would insist upon certain standards of behavior and various baked goods prohibitions and avoidances!  Thank You!   

(Special Note of Dedication and Appreciation:   To All who engage in the culinary arts, such as Baking, Recipe Theft, Cooking with Breda Greem, Devotion to the Galloping Gourmet and Treena, Julia, Emeril, Rachel, Jacques, Anthony and Kermit, Ayds, TafOn and Other Reducing Preparations, Pills, Ointments and Fat Removal procedures!

Humbly Submitted 01-09-2026 -- by Joel K.