The Noisiest, Longest Holiday!

Memoirs of a Geezer!

Reflections and Observations -- A Bright Passage from the Fantasies of Youth 

to Illuminations of Advanced Maturity!

This Episode:                      The Noisiest Holiday...  Longest, too! *

For the past 41 years straight, including 2016, this geezer and family have enjoyed the obstreperous celebration at Milwaukee's fabled Lake Front, namely the 3rd of July Fireworks

explosions, sponsored by some financial institution or other.  What a day-long event it is, and has been over time.  We play, we picnic, we sing and dance...  we even cavort! It's a dashedly, wizardly fine time!  Ask anyone!!

Among the joys of the 3rd is the extraordinary diversity of humanity (and possible extra-terrestrial beings) in attendance, endlessly parading back and forth along the various promenades...  sidewalks on the periphery of and within the confines of Juneau Park. Just this past July, I'm certain I saw Darth and Dorothy Vader, for example.  I accosted them,

Darth-y and Dorothy ("Dot") Vader enjoying the
3rd of July pyrotechnics "Noise-a-Rama" at
Milwaukee's famous and fabled Lake Front!

just to convey greetings.  Darthy (that's what I call him affectionately!) told me they'd just come from the annual Death Star Sock Hop, but hoped to retain their anonymity as they enjoyed the evening's pyrotechnics.  I promised not to point them out to the multitude!  (Their children were apparently being minded and babysat by Mynocks and Space Slugs!)  

And there are certain traditions in our family's annual participation that cannot be ignored. The grandchildren, particularly Lucy and Phia, enjoy pasting small stickers or decals to my sunglasses until my vision is completed obfuscated.  The boys, Coen and Sean, enjoy jumping upon my person to see if I can emerge from the event without

Lucy (at top), Hanna (left), Phia
(on Papa's lap), and Papa rendered
sightless by stickers!  Such Fun!

too many bruises and broken parts! Oh, I tell you, it's all a portion of the rich pageantry of this marvelous event.

Speaking of obfuscation, one year the fog was so dense we could but hear the explosions.  We imagined they were quite a spectacle, though they were not visible behind the fog!  One astute person announced, "These are best darn fireworks I've ever not actually seen!"  

The day invariably consists of games -- including "How's Yours?" -- a delightful romp in which a person is sent away while the others select a body part, the object of the ensuing guessing contest.  The "sent-away" party is summoned back and made to ask each participant, "How's yours," until the object body part is correctly ascertained.  (Sometimes the clues and the guesses become a bit ribald, but the fun never stops... happily, the vulgar references most often sail over the crania of the small children in attendance!  Uh, don't they...  What's all that whispering over there??!!)  

There are treats aplenty.  Homemade cookies, crisped rice bars in patriotic colors, various kinds of brownie-style treats, cupcakes.  And fresh fruit, too, of course.  It would be criminal not to enjoy the yummy delights of fresh summer fruit -- strawberries, blueberries, red grapes, kiwis and calabashes!  (Don't tell me you don't include a calabash or two among your July 3rd comestibles??!!)    

This could be an actual image of
discarded furniture, of the type
secured annually by
"Acquisitions Andrew" with
the blessings of "Captain Billy"!
(Photo entitled, "Frayed but
Functional"!)

One of the most anticipated joys of the 3rd Fireworks display is the attempt to find an outhouse with actual paper still available in its holder!  Oh yes, and then there's the outdoor, ersatz living room established by two giants of annual attendance, "Captain Billy" and "Acquisitions Andrew." The latter scours the city in search of discarded furniture that can be gathered up and transported to Juneau Park for the comfort and viewing pleasure of family, friends and visiting dignitaries (such as a certain geezer and his entourage)!

Throughout the years we've started the celebration by "staking our claim" to a portion of the Park, and setting up our enclosure with string and "Do Not Cross" tape coiled around stakes hammered into the earth.  People are remarkably respectful of "staked claims."  The day begins quite early (* hence, the "Longest"!) and ends well after darkness descends.  Immediately following the pyrotechnics, the mad and frenzied exodus begins as thousands gather belongings and trample one another as they rush to parked vehicles, bicycles, horses, mules, buses, space ships and other conveyances in crazed, snarling efforts to be first to reach their modes of transportation without being killed or maimed in the process! We usually wait a bit, and then amble along slowly and respectfully before being knocked down and trampled in the stampede. All part of the rich pageant of... well you get the idea, I'm sure...

Sweetheart, Perpetrator, Alie, Bethie,
Phia, Lucy, Coen (top to bottom, l to r)

Usually, we do not attend a second display of pyrotechnic patriotism on the actual 4th, but this

Susie (at top), Dennis and Carol

year was an exception. Dear friends Dennis and Carol were in town from Nevada staying with our beloved niece, Susie, her spouse, Tom, and children, Tucker and Jack. Both Dennis and Carol have a bit of difficulty with long and arduous walks, hence Susie provides wheeled chairs and human capital to move the pair from parking spaces to the viewing spaces.  Always a rich treat to see and spend time with the aforementioned.  We danced, we sang with Ms. Amy, we oohed and aahed, our senses dazzled once again by the booming and brilliant explosions in the skies above us.

Perpetrator and Susie play Cribbage!
Coen looks on in admiration, possibly!

Each year Sweetheart and I insist we're not going to attend the 3rd of July Explosions, but then our daughter, Alie, insists that we cannot break the tradition.  We relent.  But, there's been a possible concession to our elderly complaints about long hours seated upon the earth, packing up all the stuff that's needed, hauling our wagon full of blankets and coolers and signage (Our Staked Claim and Claim Number!), stakes, a hammer, parking challenges, bicycle riding...  sometimes. We may actually be permitted to arrive at the Park a bit later than our usual quite early "clocking-in" hour.  More time to rest, take a nap maybe, slurp our porridge or gum some soft stuff like mashed potatoes or mush! Well, all in all, it's been a great run at 41 years and counting. We look forward to many more, not to mention cupcakes and mixed nuts, calabashes, cookies...!       

Questions:    1.  What are your favorite memories of the July 3rd Fireworks at Milwaukee's                                    Lake Front, Dear and Noble Reader?
                      2.  Do you barbecue?
                      3.  Do you pack a lunch to bring sandwiches in a cooler?
                      4.  What are your favorite or best treats / desserts that you bring to the event?
                      5.  How many years have you been attending this fine event?

Post Comments Below, as Desired:
 

Humbly Submitted 08-18-16 -- Joel K.

                      

  

   

      

  

Intrepid Geezer... The Quest for Pukeymans!

Memoirs of a Geezer!

Reflections and Observations -- A Bright Passage from the Fantasies of Youth 

to Illuminations of Advanced Maturity!

This Episode:          An Intrepid Geezer and the Quest for Pukeymans!

The intrepid Geezer examines his borrowed smartie phone
in an effort to figure out this Pukeymans game thing!

One likes to be a "now" sort of geezer, in touch with the times, hip, up to date on the latest bits of fads and foolishness.  As such, I went out looking for Pukeymans.  You know, that obsession with finding an imaginary or video-ized pretend character... or is he / she / it a pantomime creature?  Doesn't really matter, I suppose.  I'm on the hunt!

I walk over to the Park all the while staring at my borrowed cellular telephone device.  I start out with a Flippy Phone, but I'm told I have to use a smartie pants cellular device that has the capacity to load apes (simians?)...  um, apps (What does mean, "apps"?).  (People keep correcting me!)  Thusly, I had to borrow or steal a smartie phone thing for the adventure. 

So, I'm walking along staring at the device looking for Pukeymans, and first I walk into a tree. An arborial rodent throws an acorn at my head.  I walk on.  Then I inadvertently walk into a road in which motorists beep and honk and shout obscenities.  I adjust my trajectory!  

Image of an elderly man knocked flat;
not a precise image of the man
described herein, but used here to
illustrate the concept of a 
collapsed elderly man knocked flat!

I return to the Park.  Now I'm walking briskly, hurrying along. I crash into an elderly man whom I don't see as I'm staring at the smartie telecone, uh...  phone.  I knock him over.  He crashes to the earth and begins to mumble unintelligibly.  I offer to contact his next of kin if he'll give me a quarter for the call.  I take his smartie telephone, look under contacts and make a call. 

"Hello."
"Yes."
"Who's this?
"Who's this?" 
"Are you related to an elderly man with a wispy moostache who wears thick eyeglasses, a plaid tunic and bermuda shorts in various shades of orange, green and fuchsia?"
"Who the hell is this?!"
"I just bumped into your loved one who is now lying in a crumpled heap mumbling incoherently."
"Who the hell is this??!!"
"I can possibly give you the coordinates.  Do you have a pencil?  Can you reimburse me for my time?  I got needs!"  
"Who in the hell is this, you blabbering buffoon??!!"

"Dudes!!  I think I found
Pukeymans!"

I move on after stuffing the telephone back into a front pocket of the mumbling man on the ground in the bermuda shorts.  I only extract a quarter.  I'm no thief.  Next, still walking aimlessly whist staring at the smartie telephone screen looking for signs of Pukeymans, I step on the paw of a large dog who's apparently also on the quest. The dog sniffs and then throws up on one of my wingtips.  Another dog, a probable companion of the first dog, disgraces itself on another of my wingtips.  I move on, still apparently no closer to finding the elusive Pukeymans. 

As I walk along in the Park, I spy a youth holding what I think is a cellular device.  I

I don't think the elderly lady rolled
as far as the Lake!

excuse myself and say, "Hey, youth, I can't seem to find Pukeymans on my device. Whadayou think?  Can you help me figure how to do this game thing?" 

Snotty ageist youth kid!

The kid looks at my device and says, "Hey, it aint even turned on, you ridiculous old dope!"
I snatch the device from the kid and retort, "Gimme that, you snot-nosed little gutter snipe!"  

I back up away from the snotty kid; I'm still staring at the cellular smartie phone that allegedly has not actually been activated. I bump into an elderly lady.  She screams and falls over the bluff, rolling and shrieking as she tumbles through brambles and sharp sticks and shrubbery, cursing at me as I watch her roll further along down the precipice. 

"It wasn't my fault...   Pukeymans'es fault!" I shout after the woman, who's now gaining speed as she tumbles.  I turn to look at the gathering, gawking throng of Pukeymans chasers. Some have actually looked up from their devices.   

"Anybody got a rope?"  

Humbly Submitted 08-08-16 -- Joel K.

   

       

Splendid Literary Effort... "And Good Night to All the Beautiful Young Women..."

Memoirs of a Geezer!

Reflections and Observations -- A Bright Passage from the Fantasies of Youth 

to Illuminations of Advanced Maturity!

This Episode:      Um...    Just a Little Reminder about a Splendid Literary Effort...   (What??!! Another Reminder!!!... )    

The Book is Intended For Anyone Interested in Elder and Hospice Care, Caregivers and Potential Recipients alike!!...  Features Coping Strategies for the Care of Someone Suffering from Dementia, Possibly Alzheimer's Disease, along with Complications Arising from the Aging Process....  A Methodology for "Playing Along" on Behalf of a Loved One, a Relative or Friend Coping with the Challenges of Dementia, along with Advancing Age and Disease -- Possibly Someone in YOUR Care!  

Please visit:    www.amazon.com        or        www.barnesandnoble.com  
  
The Book is Available through Either Resource!!

You may even wish to write a REVIEW!  Thank you!  I'll hold...    

Holidays in the Sunshine State... at First, Big Reluctance!

Memoirs of a Geezer!

Reflections and Observations -- A Bright Passage from the Fantasies of Youth 

to Illuminations of Advanced Maturity!

This Episode:     Holidays in the Sunshine State...  at First, Big Reluctance...!

"Flaarider!  You want me to spend an entire week in Flaarider?!"  In mock contempt, the word

is flattened, bent, extruded -- like solid material turned into a length of gutter or a downspout.  I conjure visions of the "beautiful people" languishing on beaches in Miami, or playing "pickle ball" from golf carts in The Villages.  Within the silent confines of my stubborn brain, I'm refusing to go, ever.      

"Do we really want to spend a whole week in Flaarider?"  Again, the mocking version of the word, dripping with derision.  The "er" at the end a dig at New Yorkers who wind up there when they're almost dead. "I may be a geezer," I say, "but I'm not ready for Flaarider!  They have nasty creatures there...  alligators, snakes, women in moo moos, rich guys in flowery tunics with manicured toes!  I won't go!"   

"You'll love it," says Sweetheart.  "Cousin Emma lets us rent her condo at a great price. It's in Cocoa Beach, and it's right on the ocean, with a swimming pool just beneath the balcony that overlooks the Atlantic.  I'll look for cheap airfares and a rental van.  The condo has three bedrooms, a full kitchen, air conditioning.  The village of Cocoa Beach is within walking distance.  You'll love it," she repeats with great emphasis.  "They have a great coffee shop."

"Alright," I say without conviction, "but only this once."  It's been five consecutive years!  The coffee shop in Cocoa Beach -- Juice N Java -- is a major draw for me.  I must have coffee houses in my life.  You purchase one large coffee (at ...Java); in theory, you can spend the entire day refilling your cup... without further remittance.  Now that's a great coffee shop! 

I must admit, I've grown to like and enjoy the destination.  It's what some might call, "Old Florida." Cocoa Beach has a number of small, independent businesses.  Restaurants, surf board shops, art studios, a pizza parlor that, we're reliably told by locals, isn't horrible.  (But you might get an argument from the aforementioned moo moo-clad New Yorkers!) And there's no dense forest of high-rises, those ugly great phalluses scratching at the skies, glutting and scarring beaches in so many oceanside cities.  

Pelicans roost on a
portion of bridge in
Sebastian Inlet!

Bethie and Phia in
Sebastian Inlet
Tide Pool...

On our first venture, five years back, we had a long day of travel, hunger beckoned and we stopped at Brano's, a decent Italian restaurant on A1A, prior to venturing on to the condo.  The waiter was a peach (though "orange" might seem a more appropriate word, it doesn't really fit...  apologies to Georgia Tourism!). He was generous with his friendliness and his tour guide persona. Among the "must-see" destinations he recommended was Sebastian Inlet State Park.  A truly gorgeous place! On one visit, we witnessed pelicans in great numbers diving into the tide pool, fishing, just a few feet, perhaps inches!... from swimmers and waders. The third year we were surrounded by at least a dozen manatees circling us, great gentle creatures like enormous friendly dogs.  With her four-year-old child in her arms, our daughter sang to them.  The manatees were drawn to her, quite possibly mesmerized by the sweet melody and her stillness.  Not as many this year as two years ago!  

We've seen ibis, great blue herons, wood storks, egrets, armies of pelicans, gopher turtles, dolphins, tropical fish...  Wonderful place to "commune with nature" (a phrase my father used with great frequency!).  We've taken dolphin-sighting cruises and one air boat ride in the swampy regions of St. John's river, where some of us spotted at least six alligators!  At one

point, on the Banana River boat excursion, we spotted seven breaching dolphins, an actual pod of them cavorting near the boat, obviously trying to get our attention!  We had a pleasant conversation with those delightful, bottle noses each time they broke the surface for air!  (I must engage a translator next time!...)  Oh!!  Lest one forget...  we also were thrilled to see, both perched and in full flight while passing a small island in the Banana River, a Roseate Spoon Bill.  Absolutely beautiful to behold.  I've even posted a picture (up a bit...  left...  that's it)!  

Beautiful Grandkids Phi Phi (left)
and Seany (he's the one eschews
the giant surf shop, with me!) and
(right) Allegra, the granddaughter /
daughter of great friends who visit
us in Cocoa...  They live in FLA!

Alright, alright!  I'm getting sappy!  I have to say something negative about the place!  I know what it is!!  That giant surf shop on the corner of A1A and Highway 520!  When Sweetheart and our daughter wish to go there, I'm off to the coffee shop with a book and a male child who shares my sentiment...  no book this time; we played "Hangman."     

Exploration Tower (photo, rt.), overlooking Port Canaveral, offers a fine view of locks and ships, tug boats and birds, the ocean as well. The tower is a kind of space and shipping museum, with a bit of surfing lore thrown in for comic relief.  We broke a fancy wine stopper in the gift shop, but they didn't charge us for it, in spite of staff petulance exacerbated (homage to Carol T.!) by sour, snotty attitudes.  We all had a good chuckle about that, and then headed off to Rusty's for a fine, mostly seafood dinner.  Rusty's offers a panoramic view of the Port, and they don't even charge extra (or do they?!!).

Oh, hey, listen...  if you get to Cocoa Beach, you must pay a visit to Cocoa Village, west via

Highway 520 about 5 or so miles.  Charming place, good restaurants, including Ossorio's and Murdock's, both located on Brevard Street. We got pictures, too, even (Ossorio's is the top photo, at right)!! We asked "Captain Quinn" of the dolphin-boat tour.  He was adamant. "You gotta eat at Murdock's.  Great food, good atmosphere. Ossorio's is good, don't get me wrong, but if you've never been there, you gotta eat at Murdocks."  It's one of my favorite's. Absolutely..." We ate at Murdock's.  It was good!  So is Ossorio's. They have ice cream, and it's a bit more family-oriented!  

Book stores?  Visit "Paperbacks" in the self-same Village.  They have the largest collection of books, mainly paperback editions, that I've

ever seen in one place!  And, "Books-A-Million (BAM)" is east of the Village along Highway 520, south side of the road. You know...  it just now occurred to me!  They offer my book though BAM (http://www.booksamillion.com) -- And Good Night to All the Beautiful Young Women...! Isn't that an odd coincidence.  Gee!  That's all I have for now about the Peninsula State.  If you're there in June 2017, we'll see you at Juice N Java.  Thank you, and Good Day, or maybe even...  Good Night...! Wait a minute! One more thing!!  Coconuts!!  You gotta get to Coconuts on the Beach!  Adventure!  Romance!...  

Special Note of Gratitude:   The perpetrator extends giant thanks to Sweetheart's Cousin Emma, and to Sweetheart, too, of course.  Thanks to Emma, her parents and siblings, we are able to enjoy time in the Sunshine!  She, Emma, is a treasure.  Sweetheart has the travel acumen to enable us to wander affordably.  Great thanks to Cousin Terri, the other E. siblings too!  Love and hugs to all...       

  Humbly Submitted -- July 8, 2016 -- Joel K.                                

   

Prairie Chickens and Other Strange Birds... Adventure Travels!

Memoirs of a Geezer!

Reflections and Observations -- A Bright Passage from the Fantasies of Youth 

to Illuminations of Advanced Maturity!

This Episode:      Prairie Chickens and Other Strange Birds...  Adventure Travels!

It's 3:30 in the morning, dark, no sign of a sunrise.  We slog through soggy marshland. April is not always kind.  It's cold, damp.  What the hell are we doing here near Plover, Wisconsin in

Become One with the Prairie Chicken,
Oh Mystical Geezer!

the middle of a freezing night?  Finally, we arrive at a low building, a blind.  If you stand to your full height, even mine!...  you bang you head on the roof boards.  We sit on low benches, peer through slits in the structure. Like a bunker on a battlefield!  And then, daylight pops up like a mylar helium balloon let fly by a child with greasy fingers.  I'd missed it, sunrise; maybe I nodded off...  I look through the narrow window; there they are! Dozens of them. Prairie chickens! Dancing wildly, horny, moaning madly, revealing the full majesty of their gorgeous feathery sex apparatus! (This is "Geezer Travel Adventure" at its positive zenith!) 

  

What a terrific, comic performance!  They puff out brilliant orange sacs beneath their throats, drum their little feet, dance furiously to attract a mate.  Territorial males leap into the air to warn off other males, interlopers. Then attraction happens!...  A successful male bows to a female.  She shakes her ruffled feathers. It's done. They're married, or mated in non-anthropological speak! A field breakfast follows, including thick hash brown potatoes served from an enormous, deep-sided baking pan.  And meaty things!

This was one of a several remarkable trips conjured by and taken with precious friends, Rob and Susie.  All of them unusually different, and all memorable and filled with strange delights in the unique manner of each.  Near Lansing, Iowa, we floated along the Mississippi witnessing great bird migrations.  The were swans and masses of coots, goat prairies, bald eagles, even a mink foraging for food along a wing dam.  Prior to this voyage, I'd never before witnessed

swans in full flight.  Never seen so many coots gathered together on a single slice of river...  (Birds!  Not geezers playing checkers in coffee cafes and saloons!) 

That Mississippi River journey may have given us the idea for another.  We four rented a houseboat out of Alma, Wisconsin. Spent one evening in an inlet.  Built a fire, sang "Old Man River."  Wonderful time.  On the second night, after a day of prowling the Great River, passing magnificent-looking barge tugs, we beached ourselves between a pair of wing dams.  In the middle of the night, we were roused twice, once by a thump, once by a passing barge urged slowly along by a brilliantly-lit tug, so beautiful in the darkness of the still river.  The thump was, we thought, a tree branch that had lodged itself

Mississippi Barge Tugs are Truly
Spectacular Sights, Especially when
Fully Illuminated and Plowing
through the Big River at Night!

under our houseboat.  Couldn't budge the "branch" no matter how the four of us tried! Turned out to be an entire tree! Had to summon Captain Jack of the rental service and his powerful motorboat.  He, too, couldn't believe the size of the tree that anchored us to the shoreline. Spotted an eagle's nest so large the four of us could have moved in with kitchen appliances and lounge chairs...  maybe too a Murphy Bed!

Spider Monkeys love
SweetHeart!

In Mexico, we discovered a spider monkey preserve near Akumal.  The four of us spent more than an hour interacting with the monkeys in a large, cage-like enclosure.  We fed them snacks, and they, in turn, picked "artifacts" from our hair and skin (or whatever it was they found and ate!).  Such wonderful groomers!  Inquisitive but almost always gentle (save for a few little nips, occasionally...  ask Sweeheart)!  The seafood restaurant was superior.  The palapas-sheltered "Turtle Beach" was gorgeous to behold!  The ferry boat trip to and from Cozumel was perilous, with huge swells on an angry Caribbean.  We all thought we'd capsize and drown in the roiling azure soup!  But (maybe you read about it in the Playa del Carmen Porque-Pescado!), we survived to sail another day... (Petitions of thanksgiving to Saint Elmo...)!    

Sue and Rob Recline
on a Reclining
Sculpture...  and
are Pictured below
and to the Right on the
Canal Boat Deck!

Mo Powers the Canal Boat Effortlessly!

Most recently, we traveled to Starved Rock State Park in north central Illinois.  A place of magnificent rock formations, waterfalls, streams and wildlife, including funny-looking tourists. Great hiking trails. Prior to our arrival, not far from the park, we stopped in Lasalle, near Lock 16, to ride an authentic canal boat powered by a single mule named "Mo."  By the by, we highly recommend Lock 16 Cafe in Lasalle.  Wonderful food, great people! Starved Rock (named for a Native-American battle site on which the vanquished were starved out of their stronghold!) is located on the shores of the Illinois River.  The lodge and cabins are beautiful, welcoming and comfortable.  What's that?  Oh sure, we'd go back there!
(Mo's been pining for us!)

We've often thought about a possible Geezers' Guide to Great Travel Adventures and Good Restaurants That Cater to a More "Seasoned" and Thus Discerning Traveler. (Working title!) As a sampling, and to whet your appetite (you'll please forgive the obvious attempt...), you should try Greenfire in Rockford, Illinois. It's on our "Big / Lots of Stars" listing of fine commercial cuisine. Here's another...  Cafe McGregor in McGregor, Iowa, just across the Big River from Prairie du Chien, WI.  I think we liked The Blue Heron in Winona, MN where we stopped to dine during our auto excursion along the Great River Road.  And, they have an Eagle Museum and (a kind of) sanctuary in Winona.  Lots of information about the Mississippi River Eagle population, their comeback from near extinction. The place has a pet or mascot eagle that was wounded and now lives in quiet harmony with staff and visitors, and you can have your photo taken with the eagle.  She likes people!  (She once ate an entire fiduciary!...  a minor attempt at avian levity!) 

And, oh yes, lest we forget, that wonderful book by an admitted, shameless self-promoter is still available through the following resources: www.amazon.com; www.barnesandnoble.com. One can view an image of said book's cover at left.  Thank you, and may all your travels bring you edification, new friendships and untold delights!  

Special Note of Gratitude and Attribution:  The perpetrator extends profuse thanks to the wonderful Sue and the equally wonderful SweetHeart for their seemingly endless and outstanding suggestions for travel adventures and ancillary entertainments along the way!  Rob is also due equal thanks and recognition for his astonishing body of knowledge, his generosity and his willingness to share his thoughts and information with his traveling companions.  Thank you again and again, my dear friends.  Looking forward to the next adventure, I remain your humble, devoted and obedient servant...  well, maybe "obedient" is a bit excessive!

Humbly Submitted, 06-10-16 -- Joel K.                     

            



   



  

Collecting Characters with Character!

Memoirs of a Geezer!

Reflections and Observations -- A Bright Passage from the Fantasies of Youth 

to Illuminations of Advanced Maturity!

This Episode:      Collecting Characters with Character...!

Certain collections cannot easily be given a definable value, such as the remarkably interesting characters met and "collected" along one's personal "La Strada."  Unlike precious coins or stamps, we store them in a vault of memory, and bring them out to brighten a mood or relive a funny moment in time.  (Laughter is sweet music!)         

The above is an ersatz
illustration of a man
shaving his ears!

A few Illustrations:    In spite of the punishing effects of strong drink, Mac was a fine-looking man who always dressed well, and kept himself groomed right up to shaving his ears regularly.  His essential diet consisted of bourbon and an occasional imported beer.  Those who knew him rarely saw him actually consume food.  On one occasion, with a group of friends having dinner at a fine restaurant, he ordered an enormous steak, held it aloft on his fork and announced, "Now isn't that is a beautiful thing to behold."  He put it down on his plate, never touched it again, turned to his right and boomed, "Garcon, more whiskey for Table Six."  

One of his companions belched, shoved his plate to one side -- it consisting only of the juice of his own former slab of porterhouse and some terrified-looking bones -- and asked, "Gonna eat that thing, Mac?"  The insatiable companion then devoured another enormous cut of meat as Mac looked on in admiration. 

"You're like a pack of wild dogs," said Mac.  He beamed at the man and added, "Save me a

Not exactly a "pack" of wild dogs...
but maybe you get the idea, eh?! 

bone! I got a big animal at home."  

In geezerhood, I think about the characters I know and those I've met.  Often I consider the taverns I frequented and "collected" over time, extraordinary characters "collected" as well.  Some during the hard drinking days of my youth and robust middle age, some of more recent vintage. The aforementioned "Mac" was part of that earlier collection.  As was Bill H. A group of us drank frequently at his home on an Air Force base near Tacoma, WA. When the table became crowded with empty beer and booze bottles, he'd order his patient wife,  Flo, "Un-ass this rig!"  (He had served in the Navy prior to making the Air Force his final career choice, always spoke like a sailor...  or a pirate, maybe!)  She ignored him saying, "Billy, you and the boys emptied 'em, you haul 'em to the bin." He'd grin at her affectionately, and dump down another beer.  Bill had an exceptional sense of funny; he shared his gift generously.
"Jere The Hair," lived in a complex that had a large swimming pool.  He and the manager were not good chums. They'd frequently had words! About to change lodgings, "The Hair" decided he would break every rule posted on the pool's gate, and he'd do it all in one remarkable gesture of defiance...  at midnight. "The Hair" dressed in full golf regalia, including plus-fours and two-tone cleated golf shoes, a glass of whiskey and a liverwurst sandwich in hand, a golf bag full of ancient clubs on his back.  "Fore," he yelled at the very top of his voice and jumped into the pool swinging a mashie niblick as he leapt.  The manager appeared, his face a purple mask of rage, and ordered "The Hair" to vacate his apartment without delay, to which my friend replied, "I'm already packed, you miserable cesspool of a...!" (The actual language Jere included, following the initial insult, has been omitted for the sake of propriety!)

This is not the saloon of which I write,
but it's a fair representation of
"The Shootin' Star"!

There was a great saloon in a small Western town frequented by two wonderful characters -- King Arthur and Kid Shimmel, both self-proclaimed "real cowboys."  King Arthur would enter each day and hand the bartender a brown paper sack.  The "King" would drink himself into another level of consciousness, and then proclaim, "Dod a'mighty, I had me a accident." ' The "King" would retrieve his paper sack.  He'd wobble to the men's room, clean himself up, change his underwear and then return to the bar for more of the nectar that carried him away, until he, himself, was carried away by his "fellow cowboys."
  
Kid Shimmel owned the oldest pickup truck anyone ever imagined could still function.  One memorable day, driving into town for supplies, "The Kid" stopped at a school crossing.  He didn't urge the pickup forward for what seemed like half an hour.  Finally, filled with irritation he stuck his head out the side window and shouted, "Get the hell outta the road, ya damn fool kid!" The "damn fool kid," as it happened, was an inanimate "Safety Susie" stop sign used at many school crossings.  When laughter subsided after someone told of the incident, one of the saloon's fellow habitues suggested that "The Kid" might want to consider prescription glasses,

Possibly an image of "The Kid's"
Pickup truck!  (Possibly not!)

even better, public transportation. 

I want to make it clear that I use the term "character" not in any pejorative sense, but in the most respectful of ways.  I love and admire interesting and colorful people...  characters! My own parents and those of my wife were characters -- fun, colorful, ideosyncratic, eccentric. Our lives, today, are filled with marvelous characters.  We no longer "collect" them from saloons, but rather from coffee houses, private homes, movie palaces and other personal and "cultural" enclaves.     Examples!?...

See how happy the broccoli is!
I like to eat broccoli (but in
smaller chunks)!

SwH makes me laugh like almost no one I've ever known. We're dining in a fine Italian restaurant. I'm enjoying minestrone, an Italian vegetable soup that has a large portion of broccoli floating on top.  I like broccoli.  I try to cut it into pieces to enjoy with, not just one, but a few mouths-full of soup.  I use my spoon to hold the thing in place, a standard butter knife to cut. She watches me, a look on her face that suggests, "Are you a completely ineffectual buffoon?" I don't succeed in severing the mass of broccoli.  She stabs it with her fork and stuffs it into my mouth. I'm laughing so hard the patrons on either side begin to cringe away from us. I fear they'll summon the management.  Oh...  and she has a way of doing funny weird things to my ears!  It tickles! 

Alie is among the funniest, goofiest persons I've ever known.  She finds humor in nearly every conceivable thing, person, event and circumstance, no matter how mundane. We're sitting in a coffee house discussing "Buff-Colored 'White-Out' " and possible alternatives.  A friend just had a book of poetry printed on tan or ecru or buff-colored paper, and sadly found typos in the copies.  We offer to help, and try to find a product to obliterate the errors.  Our quest includes a

spirited discussion as to the exact color of the paper; it also includes a visit to our local art supply store, having been told they might offer a "buff-colored" paint-marker or some other product for our purpose. They didn't. SwH and I were walking homeward; Alie was driving. She arrived at our home ahead of us having had to pick up something she'd left there.  Upon our arrival we find the house papered with sticky notes, each carrying a message or object lesson suggestive of the elusive poetry-book paper color.  Hours later we're still finding sticky notes!...  "This is possibly ecru... This might be pale lemon... This could be a shade of light camel, or possibly timid tan...  This hat has a hue of pale gold-ey yellow..." and on and on... 

I feel I must add Rob C. and Bill W. to the list of our favorite characters.  Both have brilliant
minds. Rob is largely self-taught, a voracious reader and consumer of information, obscure and otherwise.  I ask him, to cite an example, about crisscrossed, overhead electrical cables perched over a rural roadway.  I receive an astonishing dissertation on "dirty grids," efficient rural usage of power distribution and much more!  Bill collects films, currently films that feature

Rob knows about Power and
Electrical Stuff...  like Dirty Grids!

mirrors and reflection.  He's a scholar on many levels, and happily shares his world view and esoteric ideas with those of us in his spheres of influence.  Apart from being smart beyond my poor level of comprehension, both men are exceptionally funny.  

Time to bring this edition to a close!  I'll save others for subsequent entries in these memoir postings. Here's the point: Characters -- whether or not one likes the use of the word or accepts it as complimentary and affectionate -- color, edify, brighten, even strengthen our lives.  We need them to populate our experience, to broaden our vision.  In my callow youth, I collected bars and taverns and their often rum-affected denizens whose words and deeds delighted me, though unfortunately I recall too little of their banter and behavior.  

Today, mired in robust if hoary "geezerhood," I'm grateful for those with whom I happily interact and whose company I thoroughly enjoy.  This episode is merely an homage to those delightful and colorful characters whom I hope to continue to enjoy and benefit from as I wander deeper into advancing spheres of consciousness.  Suggestions for future topics are always welcome.  Oh, and I have a book in print...  just in case you're interested!!  Thank you, and good day or good morrow or good night!                 
Special Note:  This episode of "Memoirs of a Geezer" is dedicated to...  well, is a kind of homage to marvelous characters, especially those of exceptional character as well.  With apologies, only a very few were able to be sketched herein, but future entries may well include others who have made lasting impressions on the perpetrator.  I'll try to warn you in advance, and will endeavor to use fictitious names to avoid embarrassment and lawsuits!  Thank you!  Oh...  and Good Night to All...

Humbly Submitted 05-23-16 -- Joel K.