The Roles We Play, and Accept, in Our Changing Lives!

 

Memoirs of a Geezer

  

Reflections and Observations -- A Bright Passage from the Fantasies of Youth to Illuminations of Advanced Maturity!

This Episode:        The Roles We Play and Accept in Our Changing Lives!

One might suppose, if one is in one's GeezerHood, it could be a bit dangerous to become overly contemplative in times of quiet.  Non-productive, possibly even foolish thoughts might tend to flood one's consciousness.  

However, inasmuch as we've started this conversation, may as well plow ahead.  Certain metaphors -- or are they similes? -- spring into the cerebellum like.................................

 Mystic Pronghorns.  (Please see image, above!)  A chain, for example, can have many links, but still it is a single entity.  A tree sprouts a great many branches, but remains a single unit of living flora.  A Venetian blind contains many adjustable slats, but the whole is one thing, one product...  You get the idea, eh?

You see where I'm going with this nonsense?  (I wish I did!!?).  A human being has many

parts and many roles; it's the latter, life's many roles, that leads us into a more interesting discussion.  (One might suppose that "interesting" could be a bit of a presumption, depending on how this meandering plays out!)

When born I became a child of parents.  In the passage of time I realized I was also a brother to a sister and a brother, (the latter a bigger and stronger entity who'd pay me a dime or a quarter if, when he practiced his jujitsu on me, I would become the injured party, so to speak.  Not sure if he ever paid off!  Not really important in the scheme of this dissertation...  but I digress!...)

Next, student in a class full of students, then member of the US military services in a squadron or a flight or a phalanx full of a "GI's."  Student again in a university setting...  lots of different classrooms with instruction in many different disciplines.  Friend, companion, confidant, member of society in general, one who, with a certain degree of intelligence and understanding,  is able to accept and embrace diversity, making friends with those of different beliefs, colors and creeds.  

Then, on to what many consider the more important roles in the fascinating diversity of one's lifetime.  Marriage partner, father, uncle, grandfather, granduncle, great granduncle...  Paternal and avuncular roles can be critical, and crucial, to those over whom we have influence!

Where we going with this?  Each of us, I believe, is a composite of many different parts, possibly many different stages of life, even, I guess, many different or changing personalities or identities.  Was I a compete idiot as a teenager?  Quite possibly.  Do people improve with age, like cheese or wine or fruit pies or leftovers from a holiday feast?  Hmmm...  a ponderous question, indeed!  One hopes the answer is "YES"!

I'd like to think that we human beings actually do become our better selves as we age, as we grow in maturity and experience.  Parents seem to improve as grandparents. Although their children may disagree when grandparents return grandchildren to their parents, the kids wired and crazed with sugary treats, and overly stimulated with rough play as grandparents regress into childlike foolishness.  (Better selves, better angels?)

So what's the point?  I don't know...  Life is a series of stages and roles and change, of course.  As the brilliant Carl Jung suggests, "Life behaves as if it goes on (and on forever)"...  It's the illusion of immortality, something many if not most share, at least when we're young...  in middle life...  or even older and healthy...!  And we as human beings have the capacity to accept our varying roles, we have the power to change and enrich our lives if we choose to do so...  possibly the best path or direction or trajectory a human life can pursue (follow?)!  Change!  Change for the better!  Improve with time, but only if the changing road we travel is paved with the macadam of our better selves.   

I guess we all continue to evolve, if we're fortunate enough to live long and productive lives.  Sadly, so many lack that good fortune that allows the "blessed" among us to enjoy our roles, accept them, and change, grow in wisdom and improve, while pursuing knowledge and truth along the way.

(Dedicated to my beautiful and talented nuclear and extended family.  Thank you and Good Morrow...  Happy Days Ahead as well!)       

Humbly Submitted 08-30-2023 --  Joel K.

        

Old Friends Renewed... A Sort of Re-Awakening!

Memoirs of a Geezer!

Reflections and Observations -- A Bright Passage from the Fantasies of Youth 

to Illuminations of Advanced Maturity!

This Episode:     Old Friends Renewed...    A Sort of Re-Awakening! 

Long before entering the depths of Geezerhood (or should it be heights?), in my student days, I read Jean-Paul Sartre's The Wall, in which his protagonist is condemned to death by firing squad against the "eponymous," much-feared wall. The story is set during the Spanish Civil War.  The man is ultimately reprieved for "consideration," temporarily, but not before "surrendering the illusion of immortality."

At least that's one interpretation, admittedly an over-simplification of a classic existentialist narrative.  Nonetheless, it leads nicely into the theme, setting up the topic of this month's attempt at constructing a story!  I think that as we age, we engage in more and more self-reflection, looking behind to consider where we've been, ahead through tunnels of presumptive destinations as they grow ever nearer.  Notions of Mortality, even the "illusion" (we all make future plans, don't we??!!) we all seem to hold on to, creep increasingly into consciousness. I haven't actually "surrendered," but I think about it more often these days...  

I don't know if that's the sole motivation, but in recent years it's the thought of mortality that perhaps moved me to seek out old friends, even after 40 or 50 years' absence.  I'm happy and gratified that I did, and wonder often why I waited so damn long to do so.  Noteworthy among them...  

Freddy and I had been childhood friends.  We had paper routes, played ball in the gravel lot adjacent to his family's garage,

cut lawns, rode our bikes recklessly... had great fun and many adventures.  I'm sitting one day staring a my computer, and the word, "rice-a-floffa" (not sure of the spelling!?) wanders into my head.  I look up Freddy's phone number and ring.  To my delight, he responds happily, enthusiastically, and with a hearty laugh as I begin, "I'd like a large order of rice-a-floffa to travel!" Now we get together for lunch at least once a month.  I was in his wedding many years ago, and attended his and Pat's recent 50th Wedding Anniversary Celebration. A renewed friendship...  pure joy!

This famous Milwaukee
custard stand served
equally famous skinless
wieners made by Johnny's
family business...

Johnny B. was one of the first friends I made during freshman year of high school.  Beginning recently, we E-Corresponded, we talked, and now we get together for lunch or dinner, once a month when time and schedules permit.  In our younger days, we prowled around the old neighborhood, "borrowed" his father's car, went to Louie's cottage for boat rides and water skiing.  Now that we're older and far more brilliant, we talk about politics and former bad habits, the Peace Corps, travel and many other topics of significance that great minds crave.

Richard M. and I were in school together, and enjoyed a friendship in the 60's and 70's.  A couple of weeks ago, following some re-introductory E-Messaging, we set a lunch meeting, and caught up, each of us in turn summarizing perhaps 45 or so years since we last saw one another. It was a Great Time! We plan to get together again, sometime after the start of 2017, perhaps even including other mutual old chums...  

Above is a badly-fabricated image of
the fabled saloon, Morry's on Prospect,
where many great friendships were
forged from a crucible of booze,
juke box tunes and good times!!  

Such as...  Mike B.  We met for coffee, sharing recollections of highly amusing if possibly self-destructive adventures.  Mike reminded me of one of them.  After working a day shift in my profession as "beverage host," he and I stuffed 7 "long necks" each into our winter coat pockets and motored off to a basketball game during which we consumed our booty.  We drove back to the saloon using nothing but alley ways, for reasons I can't readily recall.  Brilliant lads! Brilliant times (uh...  weren't they??!). (I've been counseled not to mention our "famous" automotive backing race the wrong way on Prospect Avenue...  ?!)  I should mention, Richard, Mike and I often encountered one another at the fabled and now famous, but former, Morry's On Prospect. And speaking of Morry...  

He and I had lunch together after a similar span of years had elapsed since we last had any purposeful and protracted conversation.  Here again, so good to see and interact with Morry, both socially and culturally!  A great friend and a friendship renewed! We, too, plan to make it a somewhat regular occasion.  In our most recent telephone chat, we even settled on our next choice of lunchtime cuisine!  Now that's a true sense of commitment, yes?!  Wonderful!!  Lest I forget, great, also, to see Dave K. over lunch!

Greg G. is yet another gem, an old friend with whom coffee and great conversation is a

somewhat newly initiated routine upon which I place great value!  Greg has a way of discovering the best in people and their ideas.  My time with him is always edifying and revealing. He has a generosity of spirit that is both admirable and enviable. Oh, and he admires Jungian Philosophy! (When's our next coffee date, eh, Greg??)   

Though I place equal value on (fairly) newly formed friendships with people of a "shared generational map," we've discussed such as those within the context of "film club" postings.  (Please see archival writings...   http://geezerjoel.blogspot.com/)...  I won't lengthen this piece with a repeated litany of names or the themes of our gatherings.

By contrast, and to her great credit and that of her fellows, SweetHeart enjoys uninterrupted friendships -- celebrated each month over dinner! -- with nearly lifelong good friends. Women, I suppose, being perhaps smarter (some apparently assert!) and more socially conscious than men, at least many of us, have the skill and emotional gifts to maintain relationships, even those that began some 50 and 60 years ago! Men can sometimes acquire such gifts in later life, and as in my case, emotional growth finally blossoms.  (It's a right brain thing, I think! Aina??!! One wonders why it can take so long for right brain functions to function?!)

This is SweetHeart, not with an
old friend, but a relatively new one!
(Possibly an Eagle Scout?...)

Do renewed friendships that originally commenced long ago tend to last?  Or are they ephemeral, like novelties that tend to capture our imaginations briefly and then fade as interest wanes over time?  I sincerely hope not. And to be honest I don't think so...  I think friendships with those with whom we became pals long ago can actually be stronger, more fulfilling! Why, you may ask!  Because in later life we're far less likely to try or want to impress one another.  We're able to be ourselves, without pretension, without the youthful proclivities of competition on too many levels...  financial success, who owns more stuff, number of marriages, who's funnier or more clever, who has a bigger house or garage... Maybe I'm being naive, but I sincerely hope these re-connections, renewed friendships, last a great long time, in fact, as long as those good friends and I do.   (Questions listed, below!)  

Humbly Submitted 12-30-16 -- Joel K.

Questions You May Wish to Consider, Even Answer:   

1.)  Have you re-connected with a friend or friends after the passage of many years?

2.)  How you did you arrange the re-connection, and by what means...  Email, letter, social media, chance encounter, school, the county jail...?

3.)  How do you meet...  lunching, drinks, dinner, at a skating rink, your home, her / his home?

4.)  How often do you get together, or plan to meet...  monthly, bi-monthly, weekly?

5.)  What's the history of your friendship with an old friendship renewed, and how did you first get together?