The Roles We Play, and Accept, in Our Changing Lives!

 

Memoirs of a Geezer

  

Reflections and Observations -- A Bright Passage from the Fantasies of Youth to Illuminations of Advanced Maturity!

This Episode:        The Roles We Play and Accept in Our Changing Lives!

One might suppose, if one is in one's GeezerHood, it could be a bit dangerous to become overly contemplative in times of quiet.  Non-productive, possibly even foolish thoughts might tend to flood one's consciousness.  

However, inasmuch as we've started this conversation, may as well plow ahead.  Certain metaphors -- or are they similes? -- spring into the cerebellum like.................................

 Mystic Pronghorns.  (Please see image, above!)  A chain, for example, can have many links, but still it is a single entity.  A tree sprouts a great many branches, but remains a single unit of living flora.  A Venetian blind contains many adjustable slats, but the whole is one thing, one product...  You get the idea, eh?

You see where I'm going with this nonsense?  (I wish I did!!?).  A human being has many

parts and many roles; it's the latter, life's many roles, that leads us into a more interesting discussion.  (One might suppose that "interesting" could be a bit of a presumption, depending on how this meandering plays out!)

When born I became a child of parents.  In the passage of time I realized I was also a brother to a sister and a brother, (the latter a bigger and stronger entity who'd pay me a dime or a quarter if, when he practiced his jujitsu on me, I would become the injured party, so to speak.  Not sure if he ever paid off!  Not really important in the scheme of this dissertation...  but I digress!...)

Next, student in a class full of students, then member of the US military services in a squadron or a flight or a phalanx full of a "GI's."  Student again in a university setting...  lots of different classrooms with instruction in many different disciplines.  Friend, companion, confidant, member of society in general, one who, with a certain degree of intelligence and understanding,  is able to accept and embrace diversity, making friends with those of different beliefs, colors and creeds.  

Then, on to what many consider the more important roles in the fascinating diversity of one's lifetime.  Marriage partner, father, uncle, grandfather, granduncle, great granduncle...  Paternal and avuncular roles can be critical, and crucial, to those over whom we have influence!

Where we going with this?  Each of us, I believe, is a composite of many different parts, possibly many different stages of life, even, I guess, many different or changing personalities or identities.  Was I a compete idiot as a teenager?  Quite possibly.  Do people improve with age, like cheese or wine or fruit pies or leftovers from a holiday feast?  Hmmm...  a ponderous question, indeed!  One hopes the answer is "YES"!

I'd like to think that we human beings actually do become our better selves as we age, as we grow in maturity and experience.  Parents seem to improve as grandparents. Although their children may disagree when grandparents return grandchildren to their parents, the kids wired and crazed with sugary treats, and overly stimulated with rough play as grandparents regress into childlike foolishness.  (Better selves, better angels?)

So what's the point?  I don't know...  Life is a series of stages and roles and change, of course.  As the brilliant Carl Jung suggests, "Life behaves as if it goes on (and on forever)"...  It's the illusion of immortality, something many if not most share, at least when we're young...  in middle life...  or even older and healthy...!  And we as human beings have the capacity to accept our varying roles, we have the power to change and enrich our lives if we choose to do so...  possibly the best path or direction or trajectory a human life can pursue (follow?)!  Change!  Change for the better!  Improve with time, but only if the changing road we travel is paved with the macadam of our better selves.   

I guess we all continue to evolve, if we're fortunate enough to live long and productive lives.  Sadly, so many lack that good fortune that allows the "blessed" among us to enjoy our roles, accept them, and change, grow in wisdom and improve, while pursuing knowledge and truth along the way.

(Dedicated to my beautiful and talented nuclear and extended family.  Thank you and Good Morrow...  Happy Days Ahead as well!)       

Humbly Submitted 08-30-2023 --  Joel K.

        

"Captain Romance" and Rapt Attention to Birthday Planning!

Reflections and Observations -- A Bright Passage from the Fantasies of Youth 

to Illuminations of Advanced Maturity!

This Episode:        

"Captain Romance" and His Rapt Attention to Birthdays...  Sort of...!


I freely confess the fact that I'm not great at giving the Gift of Planning -- meaning birthday

celebrations -- and it is a gift that most spouses genuinely appreciate, and to which they should be richly entitled...  Yes, I'm aware it's true! In my Geezerhood I should know better; I should certainly know by now!!...    

SweetHeart has a milestone birthday coming up very soon!! As a point of reference, however, related to the theme of this tale, I suppose we need to look into the distant past...  Some years ago, she asked me to plan her special day, complete with a particular choice of ice cream cake and one or two additional special

This wasn't exactly the cake, but you
probably get the idea.

elements, such as choosing and booking a restaurant, along with maybe a music venue, a movie perhaps...  Dancing!  (I don't dance very well...  I tend to move my arms a bit while my lower torso remains sort of "mired in concrete," on a chair or stool!)  

But, to continue...   I arrived home from work on that fateful Birthday...  "Where's the cake?" she asked, pointedly.  
"Uh..." I responded.  "I, uh, the cake, you say...  I sort of forgot.  Should I dash out and make the purchase now? Um, what were the particular ingredients you wanted again?"
"Where are we having dinner," she asked, now just a bit beyond skeptical as to my reply.
"Uh...  um... I sort of forget to..."
"Wonderful!," she responded. "I should have known better."  
"I'm really sorry, SweetHeart," I stammered and sputtered nervously, guiltily too, of course.
"Do you remember what I always say about what I want for my birthday?" SweetHeart asks.
"Um, gosh," I began to reply, "that you don't want to have to plan it?"
"And then what do you most often say in response?"
"Uh... I guess, um...  something like, 'Sweetie Heart, what do you want to do for your birthday?" (Gulp!!)

In the end, I believe I... actually we, to be honest more SweetHeart than me...  figured out a place to dine, and then we went to the ice cream cake store to remedy that portion of my brilliant lack of planning.  "I'm really so sorry," I continued to say, pleadingly, throughout the evening. SweetHeart is nothing if not endlessly patient, understanding and forgiving.  "I'm really sorry," I repeated frequently.  "I'll really do better in the future...  really!!"


"That'll be something novel to behold," said SweetHeart, her words appropriately drenched in sarcasm and disbelief!  

Although one year, to my credit, I planned a Birthday Date Night, complete with a decent hotel in Madison, dinner at a restaurant beyond my means, and even a nighttime horse-drawn carriage ride. My, my, but I was gallant, "Captain Romance" and "Commodore Money Pots" at the zenith of my powers!  Well, yes, it was only that one year in a row!  

Not the actual
costume, but you
get the idea, eh?

But!  This Year!... This year it'll be something quite different, a Birthday Celebration to remember for years to come, no doubt!  We'll lunch at a fine restaurant, attend a Brewers Baseball contest during which we've both pledged to eat stadium hot dogs!! A true rarity!!  By golly, this is quite a magnificent plan, and SweetHeart should be suitably delighted and gratified. "Lemme see, now...  did I order the baseball tickets?  Did I make the reservations...?"

The image above is an actual photo
of Miller Park where SweetHeart
and I plan to view an actual ball
game on her Birthday!!...  Hot Dog!  

As SweetHeart's major birthday celebration draws near, our beautiful daughters are planning a gathering, much to their credit and thoughtfulness.  In many respects, this should surely be a birthday to remember, and cherish! Maybe I'll write about it, post event. You know...  were there fireworks, a live band...  the Beach Boys, for example??!!!  Stay tuned...

One additional reflection, having to do with SweetHeart's brilliant design of one of my own pivotal birthdays.  She created an ersatz costume party, ostensibly hosted by a dear friend. I was exceptionally reluctant at first, having no great fondness for costumed events. In the end, I relented, and then embraced the idea enthusiastically. I dressed as a bag of leaves,

replete with leaf designs painted all over my silly face, leaves glued to a knit cap atop my head, a large garbage sack fastened to my torso containing bushels of leaves.  SweetHeart dressed as a raker of leaves, clad in a simple flannel shirt, cap and jeans. 

As we arrived and our host opened her door to us, a mighty and rousing shout of, "Surprise!" greeted my completely shocked auditory orifices!! I was the only lunatic in costume! The ensuing laughter was louder than the greeting. It was, I'll admit, great fun overall, and a truly remarkable ruse played upon me by the clever and creative SweetHeart. And I was eventually allowed to "de-leaf" myself so that I could actually sit upon a chair and enjoy the festivities.

But I digress!  SweetHeart's birthday celebration is planned, and will -- as our family mandate insists -- continue for at least an "octave," that is, for 8 days at the least, possibly a fortnight! And, yes, there'll be cake, possibly balloons, gifts of course, family...  all of the important and necessary ingredients of a truly fine and memorable fete. I hope to be invited myself!  

(Special Note of Dedication:    For SweetHeart, the light and love of my life, my best friend and companion. Happiest of Birthdays to you! And just wait'll next year...  Wait...  what happens next year?? Do I have it on my calendar??!!...)   

Humbly Submitted 07-21-17 -- Joel K.  

  

     



  

Fashion Backward... or, A Losing Battle with Stuff Sartorial!

Memoirs of a Geezer!

Reflections and Observations -- A Bright Passage from the Fantasies of Youth 

to Illuminations of Advanced Maturity!

This Episode:    Fashion Backward...  (or) A Losing Battle with Stuff Sartorial!

Over the seas of time, my beloved lifelong partner, best friend, wisest constructive critic and dearest companion -- my wife, "Sweetheart" -- has tried her best to "garanimalize" me.  That is, to change me into someone (whom she tries valiantly to make...) aware of conflicting patterns and inoffensive color combinations (with apologies to the people whose apparel matching system helped children dress themselves!). 

High Fashion and Color
Coordination at
its Zenith!  A Salute to
"Dressing for Success"!  

In the beginning was the worst, and the worst was made flash(y)... (apologies, this time, to biblical scholars and purists).  When I began to court my wife -- that was sometime in the early 70's when fashion had all but disappeared from the planet -- I had little or no imagination regarding apparel choices.  For work, I wore the same suit of clothing every Monday, every Tuesday, etc.  Sweetheart regarded as somewhat inoffensive only my "Friday ensemble." It consisted of a sort of herring bone light colored jacket, brown trousers, a white shirt and a "nubby" brown tie, all of it reasonably well color matched by me (for reasons I cannot fathom!!).

When the time came to meet her family, the entire family, she scheduled a dinner event for a Friday evening, perhaps believing, or hoping, that I would be suitably attired!  When I arrived at her front door, she exclaimed, "What happened to your Friday suit?!"  (You see, my white shirt and nubby brown tie were soiled.)

The "Lions" Tie
must have been
inadvertently
discarded, but
illustrations are
always desirable!
And Sweetheart
is fond of froggies!

"Is there something wrong with this ensemble?" I asked, innocently.  I was wearing the standard, Friday jacket and slacks, but my shirt was a collision of off-white, apricot and powder blue.  The tie was brown with gold lions stalking up and down its length.  Poor Sweetheart!  She groaned aloud.  (I think the tie actually snarled at her!) 

After a long moment during which she eyed me up and down with a certain degree of disdain...  "Oh well," she finally said, punctuated by a heavy sigh, "You may as well come in and meet my sisters-in-law and some of my cousins."  As our courtship continued and our relationship grew stronger, more committed, on the very first of my birthdays during that era, she bought me a most attractive suit of clothes, an entire outfit -- jacket, slacks, shirt and tie -- all of it magnificently matched and coordinated!  From that point onward, I was transformed!   

I think it's only right to add some historical perspective.  My father wore shirts of plaid and trousers of stripes.  He

Above is a fairly accurate
depiction of the plaid
and striped patterns my
father often chose!

dressed for practicality and comfort.  My mother often turned him around, insisting she and he return to his closet to re-dress her grievances!  When my father entered my sister's home, and her care, much later in his life, his apparel choices were similarly overruled, and his daily ensembles nicely put together by a caring daughter.   save.

One of my own daughters and her husband prefer a burn barrel for designer clothing.  Their apparel choices are eclectic, with a predilection for thrift shops.  On balance, though, I must say they are both always nicely turned out.  Our other daughter and her husband will even run half-marathons in designer labels and name-brand ensembles!  We're all individuals, with individualized tastes, styles and budgetary concerns ...or lack thereof... 

The above is an illustration of
a "Sergeant / General" in full
military regalia!  ...um...  just in
case the concept of military
"uniform" is unfamiliar to some!

In terms of what to wear, I look back with some nostalgic longing to my days in the military.  One could hardly mismatch a uniform; that is, unless one wished to court trouble via an "Article 15" or worse.  ( I knew a GI who walked around the base wearing nothing but his service tie and cap.  He wanted out of the military in the worst way.  He succeeded, receiving the worst kind of discharge for his effort!)  As for "mufti," I would merely look at the clothing choices of my fellow GI's and try to emulate their examples, sometimes with effective results, more often failing to comprehend fashion, choosing motley instead!  One of my pals in the military, Dennis V., was always magnificently attired during off-duty time.  I marveled at how he did it on military pay!  I concluded he was either a thief or independently wealthy.  

Suddenly, It Was Now Again!

An illustrative
effort to capture one's
intense dislike of the flood
of fashion catalogs that
arrive, unwanted, in one's mail.
(See para. at right please!)

Today, happily, nicely ensconced in GeezerHood, I have Sweetheart, my personal fashion consultant.  Most often, therefore, I leave the confines of my own home in outfits that will embarrass neither she nor me, nor my children.  At this point in their lives, I don't think the grandchildren would care one way or the other.  It won't be long, however...  Hmmm...  Will they ultimately choose the fashion plate or Melmac?  

I applaud those who seem to possess a natural flair for dressing themselves stylishly, whether from the best shops or from the bin.  As for me, I'll never "have a clue," and will thus follow the lead of "She with the Good Eye."  Fortunately, I haven't had to shop for and select my own clothing choices for more than 40 years, so I seem to be on a safe sartorial pathway!

I often wonder if those of us who despise malls and retail fashion stores and "cute little shoppes" come to our positions genetically.  Or is it a learned aversion?  But look here...  If you want me, I'll be in the backyard burning fashion clothing catalogs that arrive unwanted in the mails.  Gee, could it be that the burn barrel is my fashion statement of choice!?  

Humbly Submitted 03-18-15 -- Joel K.